Carolina is on his mind, but these things sure aren’t.

1. Pushing yourself outside of a creative safe zone

After 30 years of acoustic guitar and soft-rock vocals, it’s safe to say that James Taylor has never experienced the combined feeling of anxiety and fulfillment that comes with expanding your creative horizons.

2. Challenging fans with a song that is even mildly thought-provoking

With lyrics like “I walked out this morning and I wrote down this song / I just can’t remember who to send it to,” it’s clear James Taylor hasn’t the faintest idea here!

3. Having a number-one hit that isn’t a cover of a song that a legitimately talented artist wrote

Stealing Carole King’s “You’ve Got A Friend” was a convenient shortcut to stardom, and who knows that better than James Taylor?

4. Not constantly wearing dumb hats that are made for little boys

Pretty much everyone in the world understands this one, but James Taylor never will!

5. Achieving success without having wealthy parents to provide a safety net for you

Not too hard to become a musician with Mommy and Daddy’s money in your pocket!

6. Being friends with Usher

Yup. This one’s never gonna happen for James Taylor!

7. Having a thick head of lustrous hair into middle age

No matter how hard he tries, James Taylor will never know this simple pleasure!

8. How it feels to come home to children who love you in anything more than a superficial manner

James Taylor is totally in the dark on this one!

9. Leaving a mark of any size on music history

Sorry James!