Ah, New Year’s Eve, the end of one year and the beginning of a new one. What better way to start things off right than with an incredible kiss. Here are some tips for the perfect smooch!
1. Initiate the kiss by whispering, “I have more saliva than you ever dreamed possible” into her ear.
2. List all grievances and feelings of disappointment you’ve had toward your kissing partner over the previous year. You don’t want all that hanging over your heads as you start a new year together.
3. Fill your mouth with pebbles from his favorite beach so your partner feels like he’s eating his favorite beach.
4. If you’re an expert kisser, aim your mouth at their mouth. If you’re a beginner kisser, just try to aim your face at their face.
5. Remember: A single long kiss is romantic, but not as romantic as a thousand rapid-fire kisses.
6. Provide your partner with periodic updates throughout the night to build excitement, such as “T-minus three hours until the train leaves for Smoochytown.”
7. Fall lip-first from a chandelier for high-impact kissing.
8. Create the perfect mood by standing right in the middle of a bunch of drunk people shouting numbers.
9. Most of all, be confident! After all, you are WWE legend Mankind.
