While the greatest innovations are always preceded by constant trial, error, and failure, it’s important to recognize that some ideas just aren’t going to pan out and cut your losses sooner than later. Case in point: The CEO of Brita just vomited at a press conference while announcing their filters don’t work with piss.
Hey, if it’s not working, it’s not working, and Brita just learned that the hard way.
At a press conference earlier this morning, Brita CEO Markus Hankammer slowly took the stage—appearing pale and queasy—to declare that, following a multi-year, $20 million R&D initiative, the company has concluded that its water filters do not, in fact, work with urine. Like, at all. Briefly stepping aside to dry heave for a few minutes before eventually projectile vomiting directly into a Brita pitcher, Hankammer returned to the podium to detail the company’s ambitious piss-filtration research process, which involved testing over 2,000 varieties of piss with Brita filters, sourced from a diverse array of humans and animal species around the globe. Ultimately, their efforts determined that no matter the relative health or viscosity of any given urine, the technology to filter piss remains out of Brita’s grasp for the foreseeable future.
“We really thought we had something promising with this one, but we fou—oh, God, bleggghhhh,” said Hankammer, pausing mid-sentence to expel a prodigious torrent of bile all over the floor and podium. “We believed that we could save countless lives every year by making clean drinking water accessible to anyone with a Brita pitcher and a functioning bladder, but unfortunately it didn’t work out. We took a big swing, and hey, that’s the risk you take.”
“I think I need to go to the hospital,” Hankammer continued, noting that he was extremely dehydrated and lightheaded. “Please do not drink any piss that’s been filtered through your Brita. It’s just not worth it. I feel like I’m going to die.”
Square peg, round hole. Can’t blame ‘em for throwing in the towel on this one.
If you were planning to filter piss in a Brita pitcher, you’ll have to wait a while longer until the technology catches up to the vision. Good on Brita for bailing on this idea before it made anyone else violently ill.
