If you’ve been feeling cynical about the state of the world these days, get ready for a much-needed reminder of how beautiful life can be, because something truly magical just occurred in an open field on the outskirts of Trendelburg, Germany: This absolutely enormous German child blew a fart on a dandelion and wished for sausage.
We’re not crying, you’re crying!
According to sources, the sun had been setting over Trendelburg when Arndt, a 180 lb. pre-teen who had spent the afternoon skipping around his Opa’s wheat field while tooting traditional German folk songs on his tuba, decided to rest his legs and plop down atop a hill overlooking his village. Realizing how famished he was from all his merry frolicking, Arndt proceeded to do something amazing: he plucked a dandelion from the ground, squatted down, placed the flower up to his anus, shut his eyes, privately wished for weisswurst sausage with all his heart, and blew away all its seeds with a spirited blast of hot gas from his butthole.
“A sausage would make me the happiest child in all of the village—oh!! How nice it would taste!” squealed Arndt while basking in his lingering fart, its pungence as overwhelmingly intense as his desire for endless links of delicious sausage. “Whoever is out there listening…I will be a good boy forever and forever, if you only grant my sausage wish!”
Watching the ass-propelled dandelion seeds float out over the fields in the golden hour light, Arndt let out a heavy sigh of longing that strained his lederhosen at the seams. Little did this squishy boy know that what to him might’ve just felt like a silly wish for sausage was actually a profound expression of what it truly means to be a human being, revealing the deep hope and yearning that courses through our marrow and drives us to keep going, to keep believing that brighter days are ahead no matter how dark or sausageless things may seem.
“Oh! I mustn’t tell a soul what I wished for, or it may not come true—not even meine mutti!” cried the large boy, giddily flapping his arms. What’s even more beautiful is that Arndt had taken care to wish for juicy links of weisswurst sausages not just for himself, but also for all his friends and family. “I wish a sausage for everyone in my village: Käthe, Helmut the clockmaker, Inge, Little Gerhard, and even Jörg, who picks on me. I wish there to be sausage for everyone, but—oh!—I pray that my sausage will be the most delicious!”
So heartwarming!
Whether Arndt gets the sausage he dreams of or not, he’ll have succeeded in inspiring countless people with his simple act of farting wishfully on a dandelion. We could all stand to learn a little something from this sweet, heavy child. Fingers crossed that your wish comes true, Arndt!
