Hoo boy! Well, here we fucking go: This man just opened a nine-paragraph post with, “While I find violence in all of its forms to be abhorrent…”
Yikes, yikes, yikes. Just 12 words in and we already know that thing is not headed anywhere good.
Twenty-four-year-old Seattle-based graphic designer Michael Creeks cross-posted his nine-paragraph screed on Instagram, Facebook, and X, so you know it was super important for him to get whatever eye-roll-inducing bullshit he’s about to spew out to as many of his combined 312 followers as possible—but based on the simultaneously self-righteous and mealy mouthed way he’s started his message, we can’t imagine that any of those followers are going to glean much from it. It’s obvious from the first few words that the take Michael’s getting ready to spray all over the toilet that is the modern internet will not be remotely helpful: Is Michael going to express that he believes Israel has a right to self defense against terrorism while also praying for the safety of civilians in Gaza? Is he going to attempt to justify Hamas’ violence against civilians, women, and children as valid asymmetrical warfare against a much more militarily powerful foe? Is he going to make everyone who follows him all the dumber for having read his post with blatantly obvious statements like, “More killing is never the answer”? Will he claim that he’s trying to break down all of the complexities and nuances of the situation for us so we can educate ourselves and become better global citizens in between all the thirst traps and meme accounts in our feeds?
Who knows! But, based on his opening sentence, plus the fact that he’s never once discussed the Israel/Palestine situation publicly or privately in his life, we can safely guess that in the nine paragraphs that follow, Michael will attempt to use whatever nuggets of expertise he’s been able to glean from a few days casually Googling “israel gaza” and “hamas history” to bolster an armchair case for whatever the fuck a guy who plays guitar in a Joy Division cover band called “Shadowplay” thinks needs to happen in the Middle East.
Oh, goody!
After that doozy of an intro, there’s no doubt that in the next few sentences we’ll be finding out how Michael felt he couldn’t remain silent any longer, or possibly even how he didn’t feel like he could sit on the sidelines watching the horrors in Gaza unfold without speaking his piece. Then, we’ll likely be hearing about his Jewish friends (both of whom are secular and have no connection to Israel), his Muslim friends (who actually amount to one guy he sat next to in grade school), and how his heart is heavy for them (despite him not reaching out to any of them personally). Heck, there might even be a donation link for an aid organization which he hasn’t actually donated to himself!
Buckle the FUCK up! Because if Michael’s first paragraph is any indication of what’s to come, a volcano of wet, stinking garbage is about to explode all over our feeds.
Had Michael’s opening sentence been just a teensy bit different, maybe we could be more optimistic that he was simply going to post about his own personal feelings of sadness and anxiety caused by the violence unfolding in the Middle East and offer a message of love, but nope, it looks like it’s going to be all about him attempting to out-rhetoric the rest of his social media feed while people on the other side of the world perish. So, everyone, get ready to scroll past as quickly as you can, because Michael has something to say!
