Hey, just a heads up, there was a situation here earlier that we thought you might want to be aware of: A man-sized millipede just came by asking questions about your personal life.
Just thought you might like to know. Do with that information what you will.
This was probably like 20, maybe 30 minutes ago. We were just going about our business when out of the blue a millipede that was like six feet long and basically looked like he was the size of a fairly large person came crawling through here and started asking people if they knew you. The millipede was asking some pretty personal questions like if you were single and whether or not you suffered from depression. He also wanted to know how much you weighed and whether your family had a history of Parkinson’s disease. When someone told him that they didn’t know, he clicked his mandibles together and then skittered over to someone else and asked if you still kept in touch with any of your friends from high school. He was pretty much crawling around from person to person asking really invasive stuff about you, and we’re not totally sure why.
After about 15 minutes of questions, the man-sized millipede asked if anyone knew where you liked to hang out on the weekends and whether or not you had a good relationship with your mom. Nobody said anything, so he said he’d “find out at the grocery store” and crawled out the door. This is neither here nor there, but one of his legs fell off around the time he was asking if you were on any medication and it’s still on the floor of our building twitching and wriggling. It’s pretty gross, but if you see a millipede the size of a human adult who’s missing a leg, that’s the one who was just here asking weird stuff about you.
So yeah, just FYI, there’s a millipede who looks like he weighs about 230 pounds and wears dozens and dozens of New Balance running shoes on each of his feet who was trying to find out some pretty private information about your life. Not sure if you know him or not, but figured you’d want to be in the loop about something like this. We’ll let you know if he comes back, but in the meantime, just be aware that he’s out there.
