Search the entire history of American politics, and you’ll be hard pressed to find a more masterful campaign stratagem than this: President Biden just solemnly pushed a figurine that looks exactly like him across a tabletop map towards a dot labeled “McDonald’s.”
We are truly witnessing a grandmaster at work…Mr. Biden has just thrown down the gauntlet in his bid for the 2024 election.
With hurdles continuing to mount between President Biden and his shot at a second term, the President convened his closest aides in the Biden 2024 war room today, where they quickly began poring over a massive tabletop map of America by candlelight. A staff debriefing on Biden’s declining poll numbers appeared to be of no interest to the incumbent POTUS, who silently stroked his chin and gazed at a wooden figurine of himself as his advisors argued over campaign missteps and paths forward. Suddenly, the infighting quieted to a hush as Biden stood from his chair, raised his plotting rod, and calmly drove the Biden figurine forward until it reached the McDonald’s at the map’s center.
“The war is won,” Biden declared as knowing grins spread on the face of every aide in the room, who understood exactly what Biden had in mind without him needing to explain it. The President’s was plan so brilliant in its simplicity that his campaign manager was impelled to cry out, “McDonald’s…but of course! The answer to the election lays in such plain sight, no one will see it coming. Well done, sir! Well done!”
“We leave for McDonald’s at dawn—do save your appetites, will you?” Biden quipped, before a boy-servant wheeled him out of the war room in his oak-carved wheelchair, leaving the campaign team buzzing with restored confidence in the Democrats’ odds of victory come November.
Democrats, your champion is approaching checkmate.
Only time will tell if Biden’s McDonald’s gambit will pay off, but there’s simply no denying its tactical brilliance. All we can say for sure is that Trump’s path to retaking the Oval Office just got far trickier, because Biden is putting on a masterclass in campaign strategy.
