Americans are mere months away from heading to the polls, and it sounds like they’ve got one hell of a good time in store for them when they get there: The Federal Election Commission just announced that this year’s election theme is “Under the Sea.”
Awesome! This is going to be the best election ever!
In a highly anticipated announcement today, the FEC revealed that after extensive deliberation they had landed on “Under the Sea” as the theme of the United States 2024 election. The theme will see America’s polling places transformed into aquatic wonderlands with sparkling blue ballots and seashell-encrusted voting booths, where the lilting melodies of steel drums will serenade voters pulling the lever for their preferred candidates. The 2022 election’s captivating “Masquerade Ball” theme was certainly a tough act to follow—we’re still thinking about our election warden’s feathered Venetian mask—but we can already tell that voters will remember this fall’s shark-costumed pundits and dazzling coral reef-toned electoral college maps for decades to come.
“Grab your flippers and get excited to perform your civic duty, because this year American democracy is heading beneath the waves for a WHALE of an election,” wrote the FEC in a press release announcing the theme, adding that FEC officials had already purchased $7 million worth of green streamers to make a gorgeous kelp forest for post-voting photo ops. The Democrats and GOP have gamely reimagined their iconic donkey and elephant logos as a seahorse and a puffer fish respectively, and the FEC unveiled a new “Starfish and Stripers” American flag to fly over the proceedings. And don’t worry about missing out on the fun if you’re not voting in person—voters will have the option to drop off their ballots in one of the many delightful “sunken treasure chest” drop boxes placed in bodies of water all over the country.
Sounds like the American electorate is in for a real treat!
While only one pair will ultimately be crowned this election’s Poseidon and Vice Poseidon of Atlantis, seeing how candidates up and down the ballot incorporate a splash of “Under the Sea” magic into their campaigns should feel like a win no matter what your political preferences are. Will we see sand castle debate podiums? Cynical pandering to harpoon owners? A jellyfish-related scandal or two? It’s all on the table thanks to the FEC’s incredible vision for our democracy.
Yessir, seems like the FEC has done it again. Here’s looking forward to quite possibly the most exciting election theme of our lives!
