Hello. John Chidsey here, Chief Executive Officer of Subway. Without exception, Subway employees across the world are expected to comply with our corporate Code of Conduct. Our food safety guidelines are designed to ensure the wellbeing of Subway workers and patrons alike, and we take their proper implementation seriously.
That is why I’d like to formally clarify that it goes against Subway policy for an employee to squat and birth a fully made sandwich for a customer. This is something that should never, ever happen.
Our policy is simple: When a customer places an order, our employees are instructed to assemble their food using ingredients sourced from Subway-approved suppliers, and nowhere else. This means that it is categorically against company health guidance for a Subway employee to strip from the waist down, hold a serving tray between their legs, and present customers with a ready-made sandwich that’s been delivered from their vagina. Even if the sandwich comes out of an employees’ womb wrapped in Subway-branded deli paper and a receipt of purchase, we ask customers to refrain from paying for, and especially consuming, this product, and to report the incident to Subway Customer Service immediately.
Subway deeply values our employees’ time and labor. We take care in crafting a positive, rewarding work environment for them, and a satisfying, safe experience for our customers. Mistakes are bound to happen as employees gain familiarity with Subway health policy, but we draw the line when it comes to Subway Sandwich Artists spawning our sandwiches from their genitals on our premises. There are few justifiable reasons to squat on company time, let alone to summon a Honey Mustard BBQ Chicken Signature Footlong from your body. We believe this is a reasonable standard to expect our workers to hold themselves to.
To be clear, not once throughout Subway’s 59-year history has an incident like this been reported at any of our locations around the globe. And we’d like it to stay that way.
Let it be known: Until Subway states otherwise, our company will maintain a zero tolerance policy against employees who enter the squat position and pass our sandwiches through their birth canals. Should an employee’s cervix, vagina, and/or vulva make any level of contact whatsoever with your order, that employee will be fired, and your order will be refunded at once. Thank you for your business. We hope you continue to enjoy our sandwiches.
