As we all wait patiently for the government to finally figure out how to provide universal healthcare to all citizens, a possible solution to our nation’s broken medical system is brewing in the private sector: The pornography industry has offered to advise the healthcare industry on how to make healthcare free for everyone but still make a ton of profit somehow.
Whoa! Could this mean that universal healthcare is coming soon?
In a joint statement from PornHub, XVideos, YouPorn, Brazzers, Bang Bros, RedTube, XHamster, and dozens of other top erotic content producers, the entire adult entertainment industry announced, “The adult video industry is officially offering to give counsel to the healthcare industry on how to give something away for free, yet mysteriously remain a thriving and highly profitable business. As pornographers, we have special insight into the process of somehow raking in tons of cash despite giving a product away completely free of charge on a massive scale to literally anyone who wants it, and we see no reason our model couldn’t work for the healthcare industry as well.”
The statement continued, “For years, we in the adult industry have managed to pay highly competitive fees to our performers, directors, crew members, distributors, and investors, host lavish awards ceremonies, and crank out dozens of new productions on a daily basis despite offering our vieweres millions of hours of the hottest, filthiest pornography imaginable at zero charge. We believe the right to healthcare is just as universal as the right to whack off, but we understand the healthcare industry’s desire to make massive profits as well. So, we’re happy to offer the healthcare industry specifics on how to accomplish this once we figure out how exactly we are doing it ourselves.”
Wow. We did not have “porn industry saves our country’s healthcare system” on our 2024 bingo cards. This is really cool!
Both advocates for universal healthcare and lovers of free market solutions must be applauding this incredible announcement. Will we be seeing ads for boner pills and camgirls popping up on the Mayo Clinic’s website soon? Will doctors and nurses start becoming hotter and more tatted up? Will Healthcare.gov get rolled into the Bang Productions network of sites, or possibly vice versa? We’ll be following this story closely to find out!
