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A Mythical Land: No One Has Ever Seen Anyone Shopping At The Huge Store In The Mall Full Of Rhinestone-Studded Party Dresses That’s Always Blasting Royalty-Free Club Music

Behold, humble citizens, a land foretold by legend, a fabled realm into which not even the most intrepid explorers have ever set foot: No one has ever been seen shopping at the huge store in the mall full of rhinestone-studded party dresses that’s always blasting royalty-free club music.

Where it came from, whether anyone has been there, and how it stays in business are questions whose answers have been lost to time. O’ enormous store that exclusively sells what look like prom-themed ice skating costumes, reveal to us your origins!

The store, known only by the name “Cameleon,” takes up almost an entire hallway on the mall’s ground floor, a mystifying paradox given that no one has ever seen a customer enter its walls, nor does anyone even seem to work there. The generic, bass-heavy music that emanates from its doorway evokes a sense of fun and whimsy, yet it appears that not one person in all of history has ever donned one of the brightly colored dresses haphazardly displayed in its windows alongside a single, translucent pink tote bag and a peeling flyer for a 75 percent-off sale on “gowns” from the Fourth of July in 2008.

Since time immemorial, shoppers young and old have looked at Cameleon with nothing but confusion in their hearts. Who decided that this store would sell sparkly hair ties out of a clear plastic bin near the cash register? Why is it that all of its mannequins are bedecked in strappy high heels of unknown provenance? Do the dresses cost $15 each or $400—or is it some inscrutable price in between?

No one knows the answers to these questions, and it is likely that no one ever will. Until the day someone finally steps inside to buy a dress for whatever occasion those dresses are intended for, it will remain an enigma to all those who walk by it on their way to the Foot Locker.