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An Incredibly Sad Day For Everyone: All 3 Of The 3 Stooges Are Probably Dead By Now

We hate to be the bearers of bad news, but there’s a tragic breaking story today that we just can’t ignore: All three of the Three Stooges are probably dead by now. 

Oooof. This is a day that will live in infamy for fans of black-and-white slapstick antics everywhere. 

Yep, it just seems impossible that at this point Larry, Curvy, and the other one could still be alive. Yesterday, there may have been a .0001% chance that one of them was, like, in a coma at 123 years old or something, but today is the day that is just no longer possible. Even assuming that they were all in their mid-twenties when The Three Stooges started in 1908 or some shit, which is entirely possible since everyone looked like they were in their fifties starting at age 18 back then—even if that were the case, no matter how you do the math, all three of the Three Stooges are 100% deceased as of right now. 

The sad fact is that the Stooges probably all ended up bankrupt with major drug problems and committed suicide or died of cirrhosis way back in the 1950s. But today is the day that, even assuming that all three of the Three Stooges were hitting the gym five days a week and eating the Mediteranian diet, they are all, without a doubt, finally six feet under. 

Yep, things aren’t looking good for everyone’s favorite Jewish triplets. 

While today is a sad day, we can still enjoy The Three Stooges’ classic physical comedy by watching hilarious films such as “Pardon My Bonks,” “Shot in the Brain!” and “Toilet Trouble for Three” or whatever. So gouge a friend’s eyes and break a bottle over your head in honor of three legends who are, at long last, all completely dead. Unfortunately, we’ve also got some bad news about Laurel and Hardy, but we’ll save that for tomorrow.