Erectile dysfunction is a common condition that at some point affects nearly half of men, with a frequent cause being psychological issues. But having sex is nothing to get stressed about. In fact, any men who get performance anxiety before sex clearly have no idea how nerve wracking it is to be a judge on The Voice.
I’ve got people’s livelihoods in my hands, man. The only thing in yours is your own limp dick.
On The Voice, I’m given the power to control an aspiring musician’s career. They come to me to help them achieve their dreams. But when someone comes to you for sex, you’re just there to help them get laid. What’s stressful about that? It’s not like your inability to have sex with them is going to be the difference between them making a living as a musician or spending the rest of their life waiting tables.
‘Cuz that’s the kind of crazy stressful shit that’s on my plate.
Believe me when I say that it’s not a big deal if you freeze up in the moment and lose your erection. Literally only your partner will know and I doubt they will even care. But if I freeze up and can’t hit that button that makes my chair spin around, someone’s career could be over. Does your failure to perform result in a budding acoustic guitarist losing out on everything they’ve ever hoped for in life?
Didn’t think so.
Let me let you in on a little secret: Most people don’t even expect sex to be that good. But everyone who tunes into The Voice is expecting to have their minds blown. And I cannot let them down. No sir.
The day I accepted the job to be a judge on The Voice I thought to myself: Lord, forgive me for the times I’ve been nervous before a hand job, because now I know what true nervousness is. So next time you can’t get hard, why don’t you try thinking of ol’ Blake Shelton, sweating buckets backstage at The Voice, knowing that the future of American pop music comes down to him—and maybe you’ll see just what a walk in the park having sex really is.
