There’s nothing more uplifting than seeing a brand step up and look out for the needs of its most loyal customers, so this story about a new program by one of the biggest names in crafts is sure to put a smile on your face: JOANN Fabrics is now implementing special store hours from 7-8:00 a.m. for freshly divorced women who need the healing power of crafts.
This is so awesome! Thank you, JOANN!
In a press release earlier today, JOANN announced that stores nationwide will begin reserving the early morning shopping hours exclusively for emotionally devastated divorced women who need to fill the holes in their hearts with Quick-N-Easy afghan patterns and bolts of flannel fabric printed with images of Garfield in various Thanksgiving costumes. The press release explained that JOANN is fully committed to serving this vulnerable community of women, whose mental and emotional well-being is greatly benefitted by basking in the extra-bright fluorescent lights and aggressively clove-heavy scented candles that the retailer has to offer. Whether they need to treat themselves a leisurely stroll down the aisle full of unfinished wood earring racks and mini birdhouses or spend a blissful half hour choosing between three enormous balls of color-changing chenille yarn, these brokenhearted women will now have exclusive, unfettered access to the life-giving craft supplies at JOANN for an hour each morning without having to encounter any happily married customers who might trigger painful memories of their past relationships.
The press release went on to add that during the store’s new divorcee shopping hours, shoppers can expect to hear curated playlists featuring songs like Natalie Imbruglia’s “Torn” and Selena Gomez’s “Lose You To Love Me”—music that will evoke the emotions of loss and redemption and will speed along the healing process that these women go through while deciding on a new keychain-beading project to immerse themselves in as a distraction from their sadness. Women with ailing hearts will find true sanctuary during these special morning hours, and they will receive grandmotherly hugs along with the usual macrame advice from the four-foot-nine elderly employee each location seems to have, giving the women the emotional support they need to turn their sadness into handcrafted works of folk art.
Whether a newly divorced woman needs to completely overhaul her fabric stash or just wants to look at the basket of junk by the checkout register that for some reason contains a giant Baby Bottle Pop and an iPhone case that says “Smile, It’s Halloween,” she can now do so at JOANN Fabrics in an environment tailored to her fragile emotional state. This is an amazing initiative by JOANN, and we’d love to see something at stores like DSW and Yankee Candle that serve a similar customer base.