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Coming Clean: Juicy Fruit Has Announced That The White Dust On Their Sticks Of Gum Is Regular-Ass Dust, And If That’s A Deal Breaker For You, They Understand

In an age when genuine acts of corporate responsibility are few and far between, one of the biggest names in the gum industry just boldly opted to put its reputation on the line with a refreshingly transparent admission: Juicy Fruit has announced that the white dust on their sticks of gum is regular-ass dust, and if that’s a deal-breaker for you, they completely understand.

Wow. This definitely isn’t going to help their bottom line at all, so kudos to Juicy Fruit for coming clean about the dust on their gum.

For the 100-plus years that Juicy Fruit has been making chewing gum, the brand has stayed completely silent on what the white powder that coats each of their sticks of gum is, leaving customers to incorrectly assume that it’s some kind of sugar or preservative. Yet in a press statement released earlier today, Juicy Fruit revealed that the dust on their gum is just your basic, run-of-the-mill dust that comes from God-knows-where, and if knowing the truth makes you never want to chew Juicy Fruit again, they read you loud and clear.

“At Juicy Fruit, we care very much for our customers, which is why we felt it was important to let everyone know that there’s an insane amount of regular-ass dust all over our sticks of gum,” said Juicy Fruit in the statement. “Until now, we never thought it was necessary to divulge this fact since the dust is pretty harmless and no one ever complained about it. But it’s occurred to us that maybe this is the kind of thing that people would like to know regardless, which is why we’ve decided to totally lay our cards on the table and say that the white stuff on Juicy Fruit is 100 percent the same kind of standard-ass dust that collects in big clumps on your hardwood floors or under your bed. We don’t know how the dust gets on the gum and we don’t know how to stop it from getting on the gum, so the unfortunate reality is that it’s here to stay. And if knowing the truth makes you want to stop buying Juicy Fruit, we completely understand. No hard feelings at all. We just wanted to give you a heads-up.”

Damn. While this revelation certainly isn’t something to be excited about if you chew a lot of Juicy Fruit, you’ve got to commend the company for being honest and leveling with the public. Here’s hoping that Juicy Fruit is able to stay afloat despite the dust on their gum and that fans of their products won’t punish them for their candor.