Okay First Question: I am just a simple guy who has a huge bucket of yogurt that I take with me everywhere I go (even when I travel to my wife’s castle for marital relations). One time I was standing outside the local elementary school trying to figure out which child was going to grow up to chop my head off when all of a sudden I heard the sound of a warthog climbing into a huge bucket of yogurt. I turned around and I saw that there was a warthog climbing into my huge bucket of yogurt. The warthog had a sign around his neck that said, “Do not yell at me. I am VERY SICK!” and sure enough as soon as he climbed into my bucket of yogurt he died and his meat fell off his bones and so he was just a warthog skeleton floating in my big bucket of yogurt end of Question One.
4. I am a beautiful woman and I would like to give you my telephone number.
One time I was taking my gigantic bucket of yogurt to the veterinarian because I was pretty sure I had heard my huge bucket of yogurt whisper the word “seasick” and I was hoping the veterinarian would either give my bucket of yogurt some medicine or put it down humanely by shooting it in the brain with a rocket launcher either would have been equally good. Anyway, when I got to the vet, a cat climbed into my big bucket of yogurt and died in there and the guy who owned the cat was screaming “Oh no! My lizard” and the vet said, “I will save this cat’s life” but all he did was spray the cat’s dead body with a fire extinguisher which if anything made the cat more dead.
1. Okay, thanks for letting me know.
2. Oh yes. Oh yes. Very nice.
3. This is a very good story and you should turn it into a 3D video game.
4. I have noted this in my journal for later reference.
My bucket of yogurt is four feet tall which is small for a basketball player but huge for a bucket hallelujah.
Question Four: I first got my bucket of yogurt when it arrived in the mail. It was carried to me by my mail carrier named Beautiful Lorrain. Beautiful Lorrain smells like shit and she is 1,000 years old and she whispered in my ear that she was going to feed me to the Dragon From Shrek. I have a crush on her she is repulsive end of Question Four.
1. Do not waste time telling me about Beautiful Lorrain. Tell me instead about your bucket of yogurt and how animals crawl into the bucket of yogurt and die in there.
2. Hubba hubba do you think you could give Beautiful Lorrain my phone number? My phone number is the frowny-face emoji followed by two upside-down question marks and then the last digit of my phone number is a rectangle that is hot to the touch.
3. Big deal I do not care
Okay Next Question (Question The Five): Do you understand about this?
1. Yeah I know what this is it’s your big huge bucket of yogurt and fish and bugs and pigs and lizards crawl into it and pass away.
2. I know all about this thing it is something called Rich Guy’s Nectar and it’s what Rich Guy’s shoot out of their ding-dong when they are looking at pictures of money.
3. Oh yeah I know about this. This is soda this is medicine. This is Gatorade this is a special kind of salad dressing called poison. This is juice of some kind.
4. I invented this it is Ham Radio.
Question Six: I like to take my bucket of yogurt to church and point at it to make God jealous. One time in church I was pointing at my bucket of yogurt and God was screaming, “Boo hoo! Boo hoo!” and all of a sudden a majestic elk came into the church and the Pope pointed at the majestic elk and said, “That is the fattest little girl I’ve ever seen,” and the majestic elk crawled into my bucket of yogurt and said, “Oh shit! Here comes Dead Me!” and then the majestic elk died face down in the bucket of yogurt and the ladies in church had to fish the dead elk out of my huge bucket of yogurt with a pool skimmer.
3. Big deal I do not care
4. Hello I am an international supermodel and I would like to invite you to my private tennis court where I will hug and kiss you.
How many times do I have to tell you that one time a piglet fell out of the sky and landed in my bucket of yogurt and then it was dead?
1. You only have to tell me once.
2. Tell it to me only two times. Tell me eight times tell me one million times.
3. I already knew that because I read about it in the Bible.
4. Don’t ever tell this to me.
Here is the next question for this quiz: One time a racoon crawled out of the woods and the racoon crawled into my huge bucket of yogurt and died and then immediately after it died a fox came out of the woods and it had a sign around its neck that said “I’m The Reincarnation Of The Racoon That Just Died” and the fox crawled into my bucket and died as well and the dead racoon and the dead fox were floating next to each other in my bucket of yogurt and they were the same person.
Next question: One time I was visiting the Tomb Of The Unknown Soldier and a coyote slithered out of the grave with a sign around its neck that said “I’m The Unknown Soldier” and the coyote slithered into my bucket of yogurt and drowned and got eaten by ants at the same time.
1. I honor his sacrifice to our nation.
2. They should make two different movies about this story.
3. Coyote is a type of vegetable.
4. Hello my name is a sexy woman in a bikini and I would like to invite you to my jacuzzi for a kiss on the cheek.
Okay next question: When I travel to my wife’s castle for marital relations I always bring my big bucket of yogurt into the bedroom so that it can witness the romantic situation. When my wife and I are having our marital relations (nude celebrations) I keep my bucket of yogurt next to bed and rats crawl into the bucket and drown and then my wife and I look at all the dead rats floating in my bucket of yogurt and she gives me a kiss on the forehead for each dead rat floating in the bucket and then we shake hands and I leave her castle and go home.
1. Your marriage is the greatest love story I’ve ever been told about.
2. Every time a rat drowns in a bucket of yogurt, an angel gains 30 pounds.
3. One time a rat bit my leg and I told a police officer about it and then the police officer bit my leg too.
4. Hello there Sweet Chunks. My name is Gorgeous Woman and my job is wearing a bathing suit. I would like for you to come to my private sauna so I can whisper my email address in your ear.
Here is the final question: One time I was in the desert with my big bucket of yogurt just enjoying the BLISTERING HEAT when over the dunes came a gorilla crawling on its hands and knees. The gorilla was heading straight for my huge bucket of yogurt and I said, “No no no. Stay away. Stay away from my gigantic bucket of yogurt you stupid monkey,” and the gorilla started talking to me in sign language and saying, “Me die. Me get dead in your bucket.” And I started shouting, “No! Stay back! Your corpse will decrease the resale value of my huge bucket of yogurt! Find somewhere else to die!” and the gorilla signed back, “Bucket is grave. Me achieve dead in bucket. Me have funeral at Dave & Buster's.” I tried to shoot the gorilla with my gun, but I missed and accidentally killed the nicest man in the world instead. Then the gorilla stuck its head into my bucket and immediately burst into flames. The resale value of my bucket went from $30 to $28.
1. I’m sorry to hear that.
2. I’m happy to hear that.
3. Thank you for telling me all about your bucket of yogurt. Now I am going to sleep.