Everyone wants to save money, and the expenses of dining out can really add up. Here are 6 secret techniques financial wizards use to get nice, tall glasses of water at restaurants for absolutely no charge.
1. Ask your server if they’ve got any rotten water in the back that they’re going to throw away anyway
Want some free water? Next time you’re at a restaurant, try this: Ask your server if they have any water in the back that they are planning on throwing away because it’s gone sour due to having rodents drown in it or being tainted by chemicals. Once water becomes spoiled, restaurants can’t legally sell it anymore, but many are perfectly willing to let you choke down a glass of their rancid stock for no cost if you just ask.
2. Hack into the soda machine and reprogram it to just dispense water
Water is the main ingredient in soft drinks, and that means soft drink machines are filled with the stuff. The problem is, it usually comes out mixed with soda syrup. But if you’re handy with electronics and programming, you should put your know-how into building some kind of box thing you can plug into soda dispensers that hacks them into pouring out crisp, pure water. Sure, this may technically be theft, but as long as you run to a bathroom stall and chug the water quickly there’s very little risk you’ll get caught. Your wallet will thank you.
3. Point to a group of diners across the restaurant and claim, “My water’s on them.”
One popular trick thrifty diners use is pointing to another table and claiming that table is covering their glass of water. If those diners protest when they get their bill and say they didn’t offer to cover your water, just claim they’re lying. You can also accuse them of being witches.
4. Offer to buy $1,000 worth of food if they’ll throw in a free water
Haggling isn’t just a technique for saving money on used cars. Everything in this world is negotiable, and you’d be surprised how willing some restaurants are to pony up a free glass of water if you agree to order a $1,000 meal. The worst that can happen is they’ll say no, but if they say yes, you’re going to have yourself a free-ass glass of water.
5. Intentionally choke on a bone so the waitstaff rushes you a glass of water
No restaurant is going to let you choke to death on their food without rushing you a glass of water to attempt to rescue you from choking. Ask your waiter for the meal that comes with the biggest bone they’ve got, then jam that baby right down your throat. Once it’s stuck in there, make the universal sign for “I need water,” sit back, and watch the savings begin. Remember, financial security isn’t just about how much you make; it’s also about how much you save on water.
6. Soak condensation from the pipes in the bathrooms up with a washcloth and squeeze it out onto your plate
Not all of the water in your favorite restaurant is kept under lock and key in the back. There’s actually plenty of it for the taking if you just know where to look. All restaurants have bathrooms, and in those bathrooms are toilets and drainpipes which are just dripping with “wet gold” (water). Just toss a washcloth in your back pocket before going out to eat and use it to soak the condensation off of the bathroom fixtures in the restrooms. Once you get back to your table, you can squeeze the washcloth out onto your plate and slurp it off without spending a dime. Free water achievement unlocked!