We’ve seen some pretty cringeworthy stuff in our day, but one utter nutjob’s delusional little stunt just took the cake: This man brought his laptop on his family vacation like he’s really going to bust it out and get into some laptop shit at some point.
Yeah, sure thing buddy—that’s definitely some real shit that will actually happen!
Three generations of the McGillivray family just touched down in Honolulu for blissful week of sightseeing and memory-making, but unlike his saner, more dignified relatives, 28-year-old Matt straight up brought his laptop along under the bizarre pretense that he will at some point pop that sucker out to make some sort of a spreadsheet. Matt’s genuinely convinced that somewhere over the course of this vacation, he’s going to politely excuse himself from snorkeling through dazzling schools of butterflyfish with his niece or sipping delicious Tiki drinks on the beach with his parents to spend 20 or 30 minutes clicking around various tabs on his computer. Nevermind how completely unhinged that sounds to any normal person—in Matt’s demented little fantasy world, his irrepressible productivity is so all-powerful that even this tropical paradise won’t be able to keep him from firing off several emails to get some meetings on the books in advance of his return.
Matt’s really showing his ass bringing that stupid laptop with him. For one thing, he seems to forget that he brought his laptop on the ski trip he took with his old college buddies back in February, where—surprise, surprise—he ended up doing exactly zero laptop shit. And Matt doesn’t even like skiing! The idea that he’s gonna pass on attending a big fun luau to go laptop mode is ludicrous on its face. He’s obviously going to be there chowing down on roast pig and watching some awesome hula dancers with his loved ones, but something in this man’s goofy little brain convinced him that the siren song of Microsoft Excel will eventually lure him away from all that, so he better have his laptop handy. Oh, and before anyone tries to defend this chump by saying he might just have brought it to get into laptop shit during the long flights, let us note that Matt spent the entire flight over watching The Dark Knight Trilogy on the inflight entertainment system. Guy didn’t even touch his laptop the only time it would have made sense!
Jesus, this man has zero self-awareness.
Look, maybe if you’re a world leader or a Fortune 500 exec, there’s a reason to bring your laptop on your family vacation. But Matt? None of his coworkers are screaming, “Oh God, if Matt doesn’t skip his family’s group ukulele lesson to do this urgent laptop shit we’re FUCKED.” Most people would be thrilled to completely unplug and kick back for a week, but this weirdo still insists on lugging his laptop all the way to Hawaii as a physical embodiment of the lies he tells himself about his work ethic.
Wow, what a strange and humiliating way to live your life. Here’s hoping Matt’s family doesn’t share his pathetic little hang-up about going several days without any laptop shit!