Brace yourself, because this is bound to be the most depressing news/epic throwback you’ll read about all day: This three-mile wide garbage patch in the Pacific Ocean is 100% composed of Troll Dolls.
Yikes/amazing. Anyone who fears for our planet’s future/grew up with Troll Dolls is probably feeling some serious despair/fond childhood memories right about now!
Environmental advocacy group Ocean Conservancy just announced the discovery of a 5,000 ton mass of non-biodegradable Troll Dolls several kilometers north of the Marquesas Islands, and warned that the floating heap of plastic debris threatens Polynesian marine life/90s kids who might experience nostalgia overload. To put the size of this discarded Troll Dolls cluster in perspective, it’s not only grown wider than Manhattan, but recent satellite images also show that it’s literally visible from space—it doesn’t get more grim for humanity/awesome for Millennials who miss being a kid than that!
If you’re feeling cynical about the Earth’s future/sentimental AF for Troll Dolls, we’re right there with you.
At this point, is it safe to say the environment has zero hope of recovering from human activities/the 90s are officially back?! All we know for sure is that mankind is failing our planet/collecting these wild-haired little guys back in the day was so much fun. Ugh, truly bleak/simpler times.
