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Exciting: The Surgeon General Is Holding A Lottery To Exempt One Lucky Pregnant Woman From His Smoking Warning

If you’re an expectant mother, get excited, because here’s an incredible new opportunity that could make your pregnancy a lot more fun: The U.S. surgeon general just announced that he is holding a lottery to exempt one lucky pregnant woman from his smoking warning.


Starting today, pregnant women can enter the lottery by submitting their name and contact information to the Department of Health, where the winner, selected at random by U.S. Surgeon General Jerome M. Adams, will receive total exemption from the pregnancy-related health warnings included on tobacco products sold in the United States. The winner will be officially granted permission to ignore any language on cigarette labels about risks that smoking poses to unborn children, such as low birth weight, congenital heart problems, and birth defects, allowing her to smoke as much as she wants, guilt-free, until giving birth.

“As the U.S. surgeon general, I will turn a blind eye to the winner’s tobacco use throughout the duration of her pregnancy and allow her to smoke as much as she sees fit, completely exempting her from my public health warnings,” announced Surgeon General Adams in a press release. “For all I care, the winner can puff through a carton of Marlboros every single day right up to her due date. I won’t say a word. Despite urging every other American to consider the health hazards of smoking while pregnant, I will not pass any judgment on the winner for smoking, no matter what trimester they are in or what happens to their pregnancy as a result of their nicotine intake. Enter now!”


With 3.3 million women currently carrying a child in the U.S., the odds of winning the sweepstakes are definitely small, but hey, you never know! Each woman has an equal chance of having her name drawn, so if you’re pregnant, you might as well throw your name in the hat and try your luck, because this is definitely a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.