If you’ve started feeling like your social media experience is growing stale, you’re going to want to check out this exciting new story: Instagram is changing he game by replacing likes with a new feature that notifies you when your post is so good it makes someone feel awful about their own life.
Yes, please! Looks like Instagram is finally giving the people what they want.
Instagram just posted an announcement to their official page stating that effective immediately, Instagram likes will be replaced by a nameless new metric illustrated by a broken heart icon which will indicate how many times your post made someone feel like their life is absolute dogshit compared to yours. The post explains that Instagram’s sophisticated new algorithm can determine to what extent your latest hot selfie, post about landing a new job, or video of your impeccable kitchen remodel caused your followers to feel terrible about themselves by quantifying how many of your followers viewed the post repeatedly without commenting anything, privately sent it to a friend with the caption “This bitch…,” quickly unfollowed you, or straight-up deleted their account within five minutes of seeing your post.
Instagram head Adam Mosseri further explained the decision in a post on his personal account, stating, “Market research indicates that Instagram users don’t open our app to look at how great everyone else’s lives are going, but rather to post about their own lives and make everyone else feel like total ass. When they post a picture of their new sports car or a Reel of their incredible cleavage, they don’t do so to share their joy, but instead to crush the joy of others. Likes were never an effective metric for our users because they don’t care whose lives their post improved—they want to know whose souls it crushed. On Instagram, being beautiful, successful, funny, or popular isn’t its own reward, so we introduced this new metric to let people know to what extent they make other people feel unimportant, which is the true purpose of Instagram.”
Hell yeah! We haven’t felt so inspired to post online in years.
Well, looks like posting a Instagram story detailing your $1,000 dinner with your hot new musician boyfriend or a carousel of breathtaking photos of your three-week trip in the Montana wilderness will no longer feel so pointless. Thanks, Meta, for finally tracking the metric that matters most to the majority of Instagram users. We can’t wait to try this new feature out while making a shitload of losers feel bad about themselves.