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Fitness FTW! This New Health App Shows You Pornography Every Time You Take A Picture Of A Vegetable

If you’ve been trying to get in shape but just can’t seem to make it happen, then you’re going to love this. The tech world has come to save the day once again, and this time we have the good people behind HealthNow to thank: This game-changing new app shows you pornography every time you take a picture of a vegetable.

Um, yeah. This could be huge.

A major part of HealthNow’s appeal is how quickly it starts reinforcing healthy habits. Within seconds of taking a picture of a vegetable with the HealthNow app, users are bombarded with the sights and sounds of steaming-hot pornography gripping the entirety of their screen. After the HealthNow software confirms you have taken a picture of a vegetable, the potato or ear of corn is replaced by totally uncut, genital-on-genital pornography.

Obesity has been on the rise in the United States for decades, but HealthNow may finally be able to stem the tide.

“We believe our app can work wonders for individuals striving to be more fit,” said HealthNow CEO and lead digital architect Nick Scherr. “It’s so encouraging to hear the sounds of piercing, bed-sheet-grabbing orgasms emanating from shoppers’ phones in the produce aisle when I’m at the grocery store. That’s the sound of America making better choices.”

To entice users to have as many veggies as possible in one picture, the app rewards photos of multiple vegetables with longer pornographic scenes, more actors, and higher intensities. So you could snap a photo of a single stalk of broccoli and earn a short, modest blast of porno, or you could snag a pic of a salad with lettuce, carrots, asparagus, and radishes, then sit back and delight as a gang of emotionless strangers in all shapes and sizes vigorously rail each other’s holes senseless for up to dozens of minutes!

The future of fitness? We might just be living in it.

Incredible. Getting in shape just became a whole lot easier, and it’s all thanks to the visionaries at HealthNow. Here’s to hoping innovations like this continue to make our world a better, healthier place.