Great news, job seekers! The folks at LinkedIn are giving you the extra push you need to land that next job. The company just announced that, as of this week, users will have access to new features that let them really fucking beg.
What a great option for all the pathetic little fucks out there!
Called “Humiliating Plea,” the new feature offers a suite of options for any job seekers looking to take their shameless supplication to the next level. From a recent college graduate who would throw herself down a staircase for an unpaid internship to an unemployed father with decades of experience who would lick the mud off the boot of anyone considering him for a permalance gig with no health insurance, Humiliating Plea is bound to net sad little people everywhere more opportunities. The innovative feature even adds “You are so smart and I am fucking stupid” a hundred times over at the bottom of every message sent by a user with the mode enabled.
If you’ve long ago given up on your dignity or are only now considering debasing yourself to get something you want, you gotta check this out!
For employers’ ease, Humiliating Plea users are signified by a big, blue badge indicating that they have no other options. If these users are ultimately offered a position, any proposed salaries are automatically reduced to 20 percent below market rate, with an accompanying note reminding applicants that they’re lucky to get even a scrap of a paycheck.
Additionally, recruiters have the option to click the “Dance For Me, You Worthless Piece Of Shit” button on the profile of an applicant they have even a passing interest in, which prompts the applicant to submit a video of them dancing in a demeaning way.
Wow, it sounds like the networking site has really streamlined the whole process! Kudos to the people at LinkedIn for continuing to help all those sad sacks of shit who have no standards.
