It’s the question that has crossed every driver’s mind at one point: What does the steering wheel taste like? Well, friend, today is the day you find out. So go on! Lick the steering wheel.
Do you really want to go to your grave not knowing what your steering wheel tastes like? Go on and give this sucker a big ol’ lick!
This is a big moment, so make it nice! Put on an audiobook of Don DeLillo’s Underworld at full volume, crank the AC to 40 degrees, turn on the windshield wipers to their top speed, and get licking.
This would be an awesome part of the steering wheel to lick.
If you’re feeling adventurous, you could even add some salt to the steering wheel to take the flavor to the next level.
Then again, this puppy probably tastes pretty good already considering all the times you’ve eaten while driving. Just think of all the various flavors your steering wheel has absorbed over the years—sour cream & onion potato chips, Wendy’s, Gardetto’s. Mmmm mmm, delicious!
If all goes well, maybe you could lick other parts of the car. The seatbelt, the radio, the gas pedal—the world is your oyster, and your tongue is the thing that licks the oyster!
Why haven’t you licked it before? Maybe you were scared you’d accidentally honk the horn, or that the airbag would deploy. These are valid fears, but you can’t let them hold you back. You must live life to the fullest.
Enough talk. Lick the steering wheel already! Prepare that tongue of yours and we’ll count down from three. Three…two…
—Whoa, where the hell did he come from? Has he been sitting there this whole time? Get lost, kid! We’re doing important grownup stuff.
Jesus Christ. All right, let’s try this again. Three…two…one…
Yes!
Oh, hell yes! You are licking the steering wheel, baby! You’re on top of the world!
Wow. You did it. The wheel left a plasticky taste in your mouth, and the airbag didn’t go off once. Success! Let us know in the comments whether you enjoyed it.
