Press "Enter" to skip to content

Granola Bars Are Better Than Sushi Because They’re Always Fine And You Don’t Have To Do Anything (By Jiro Ono)

I have dedicated my life to the art of sushi. Even after more than 75 years of working as a sushi chef, I am still working to improve my craft and find new ways to unlock the hidden flavors of fish. Looking back, I now realize it was all a huge mistake, because sushi cannot hold a candle to the miracle food that is the granola bar.

Granola bars are much better than sushi because they’re a treat you can enjoy whenever you need a quick bite and they always taste pretty much okay. The Michelin Guide awarded its highest rank of three stars to my restaurant, Sukiyabashi Jiro, but it should have instead given that rating to granola bars.

One granola bar is a good snack, and two or three granola bars can even be a whole meal.

By comparison, sushi is a whole big production. I have to drag myself over to a stinky fish market to find a perfect tuna. Even then, it’s a huge headache to slice up the tuna, and for what? To plop a few slivers of seafood onto white rice? I’m not saying the end result isn’t worth all that work. All in all, I think sushi tastes pretty good, if you’re in the mood for sushi. Compared to granola bars, though, it’s a lot more effort for an end product that doesn’t even have chocolate chips in it.

Granola bars are very convenient. You can toss a granola bar in your bag or desk drawer to eat even months later, because granola bars don’t really spoil. Granola bars have an expiration date printed on the wrapper, but that’s just the granola company playing it safe. I’ve eaten granola bars more than a year past the sell-by date, and they still tasted fine and I didn’t get sick.

Fish spoils pretty quickly, by the way.

Diners travel from around the world to taste my sushi, and I’ll always do my best to maintain the highest quality of food for them. However, if their hearts aren’t set on sushi, I’d urge them to instead swing by their local supermarket and buy a box of granola bars. They’re much cheaper than my sushi, and you’ll be just as full after eating them.