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Huge Relief: The Stock Market Is Doing Terribly, But You Don’t Actually Have Any Stocks Or Money So You’re Fine

Amid global turmoil caused by COVID-19, the war in Ukraine, and a pending global recession, it can be hard to find anything positive to focus on. Thankfully, there’s one big silver lining for you in all of this mess: The stock market is doing terribly, but you don’t actually have any stocks or money so you’re fine. 

Whew! What a massive relief. 

Many stocks are seeing their 2021 gains reversed completely, but you can thank your lucky stars that that’s only bad news for people who actually have something to lose financially in the first place. Protecting you from the massive losses many investors are seeing is the fact that your life savings is the $1,409 you have in your checking account to cover next month’s rent and a small collection of old Magic the Gathering cards that you heard might be worth something. Since not a single penny of your money is invested anywhere, you’re going to be just as broke as you already are no matter what happens in the stock market, which is great. 

Sure, the 5 shares of Microsoft your grandpa told you he bought for you like 14 years ago might have gone down in value a bit, but since you have no idea how to actually access those stocks and still don’t even really understand if stocks are like a piece of paper you keep in a safe or you need some kind of broker to keep them for you or how all that works, you really shouldn’t be concerned with that right now. The only time you really think about your money is when you check your account balance is to make sure you have enough in there to cover eating out for dinner, which you usually don’t, and that’s why you’ve been able to avoid any financial losses in this current market!

Yep, you must be feeling a massive relief right now thanks to not having any assets at all.

Could the tumbling stock market still end up causing trouble for you in the future? Considering the fact you barely have enough money to cover your rent and food and spend whatever you have left over on Uniqlo and weed, it’s doubtful. Sure, there’s always a chance you’ll one day land a job that offers a 401(k) or something, but that’s a concern for the distant future. For now, you’re well protected by being broke and having absolutely no investments tied up in the struggling stock market, and that doesn’t look likely to change anytime soon, thank God!