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In The Interest Of Angelina And Brad’s Privacy, Here Are 7 Photos Of Me At The Bank

Hollywood’s most famous couple is getting divorced, and they deserve privacy in this difficult time. Here are 7 photos of me at the bank that I hope will divert some media attention away from them.

1. Look at this photo of me in a bank. Study it. Send it through the rumor mill. Rip me to shreds. Better me than Brad or Angelina, who deserve nothing but empathy as they sort out their private family affairs.

2. If aggregating this content can take some heat off the Jolie-Pitt family, I am happy to do it. In this photo, I am standing at an ATM.

3. Brad and Angelina have six young children to protect from the public eye; I have none. Do what you will with this photo of me at the bank.

4. What could I be doing here? Withdrawal? Deposit? Checking my balance? Feel free to speculate, but please leave Brangelina out of it. They’re not part of this, and they’ve got enough on their plate as is.

5. It’s possible one of you will start a rumor that I’m in the bank for a scandalous reason. I certainly hope not, but I’d rather you gossip about me than Knox or Vivienne. They’re only 8 years old.

6. I’m normally a pretty private person myself, but I will do anything to protect a hurting family.

7. Brad and Angelina need time to mourn the end of their marriage. Instead of joining the media frenzy that surrounds the pair, I invite you to look at this photo of me leaving the bank.