If you love basketball, enjoy saving money on deals, are a man, and want to have a kid one day, you’re going to want to read up on this amazing opportunity: For just $7, Kevin Durant will smell your semen and tell you whether your future sons will grow up to be basketball players.
So much yes!!
The Phoenix Suns star took to Instagram this week to announce the most incredible deal ever. As stated in an IG reel, Kevin Durant has the ability to predict whether your future kid is going to be a basketball player, and he only needs to sniff your semen for three seconds to figure it out. “I’ve had this power all my life and I thought I could finally start making some money off it, but I want it to be low-cost and accessible to all, so I thought $7 was a good price,” explained the power forward. “I can’t tell if your kid will be good at basketball or bad at it, but I can tell with over 153 percent accuracy whether they will play it.”
“If I sniff your semen and it smells like nothing, your kid will be a basketball player. If your semen smells like pavement then they won’t,” said Kevin Durant, adding, “Don’t waste time trying to smell your own semen. You’re not going to figure it out. You need Kevin Durant’s help.”
Durant’s Instagram story linked to a website with details about the exciting new offer: If you’re interested, all you need to do is fill out an Asana form with your address, ejaculate into a cup, and leave the cup on your stoop. Within six months, Kevin Durant will show up at your house, smell the semen, and leave behind a notecard that either says “BASKETBALL PLAYER” or “NOPE.”
With so many unknowns facing prospective parents, this sounds like a pretty epic way to at least answer whether or not your son will play basketball. Sound off below if you’ll be taking advantage of this super cool new deal.