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Incredible! Scientists Have Generated The First Body Type That Everyone Can Ridicule Without Guilt

Anyone who has ever been teased online for how they look or jeered at in public knows that body-shaming is still a huge problem in America. But a team of brilliant researchers may finally have the solution that could wipe out the problem completely: the world’s first-ever lab-generated body type that can be ridiculed without guilt.

So. Much. Yes!

The culmination of over five years of trials, the new body type is profoundly grotesque, providing an objectively repulsive physique onto which people can hurl all their hateful comments and scorn. The digitally rendered model is a hairless, fleshy mound of cascading flaps—4 feet tall and 6 feet wide—with a horrid appearance that is scientifically designed to be mercilessly mocked without remorse or social repercussions.

“We wanted to create something that was recognizably human enough for people to gain pleasure from mocking it, but simultaneously distinct from existing body types so that no one could identify with it and feel self-conscious,” says Dr. Daniel Ouyang, whose research team at Vanderbilt University spearheaded the project. “The finished product is a deplorable and grisly lump of shit, and we’d encourage everyone to verbally abuse the hell out of it.”

Not a speck of nontraditional beauty can be found in this monstrosity, and its creators are hoping that once people realize they have something they can viciously berate in good conscience, actual body-shaming will begin to disappear.

“We put the body type model online at the Twitter handle @ShameBeast, and we’d encourage everyone to really start laying into it,” says Ouyang. “Here are some mean names you can call it to get started: fatso; wide load; unlovable dumpster goblin; ham fiasco; swamp gazebo. Go to town!”

The radical new body-shaming alternative already seems to be catching on, as many well-known advocates of body positivity have taken to Twitter to give the guilt-free body-shaming a crack.

Amazing! It’s awesome to finally have a healthy alternative to body-shaming. Do you have any hurtful words you’d like to yell at this incredible abomination? Feel free to post them in the comments!