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Is 2022 The Year That Rocks Finally Start Helping Out?

The world is currently facing an unprecedented number of crises and frightening challenges. From the COVID-19 pandemic, to the war in Ukraine, to economic and social unrest at home and abroad, the future of humanity—and, in fact, the planet itself—has never been more uncertain. In such dire times, when hope is scarce and despair is all too abundant, an urgent and necessary question arises: Is 2022 the year that rocks finally start helping out?

Seriously, those things have been lying around for millions of years doing absolutely nothing. Maybe it’s time they pitch in for once.

To be clear, it would be unfair to expect rocks to get together and solve all our problems entirely. The crises we are currently dealing with are staggeringly complex, and boulders and pebbles are not superheroes. They are just rocks. However, it would be nice if every now and then some stone or block of granite piped up with some suggestions for how we could slow the course of climate change or combat the rising tide of white supremacy. Rocks and humans share this planet, and it seems like humans are doing pretty much all the work to address these issues while rocks just kind of do nothing.

There are many ways that rocks could pitch in to help repair our broken world. For instance, a boulder could crush an annoying guy, or a stone could lodge itself in the exhaust pipe of a car to prevent the release of toxic fumes into the atmosphere. Also, any rocks that have witnessed a murder could come forward and identify the killer, thus striking a blow for justice. It’s really the least that rocks could do, considering how long they’ve been freeloading while humanity puts in all the legwork to do things like invent penicillin and make YouTube videos. The only thing rocks have ever invented is being heavy. It’s time they start throwing out some new ideas.

Quite frankly, rocks have nothing but time on their hands to start doing something about the many threats currently plaguing our planet. Rocks do not have to eat or sleep. Rocks do not have jobs (unless they are bricks, in which case their job is to hold up buildings and walls). Rocks do not need money, and they do not get sick unless they suffer from a type of quiet insanity they have never revealed to us. Rocks can live to be millions of years old. It is honestly immoral that rocks squander the endless leisure time they have been granted by doing absolutely nothing to help out.

Rocks should also find a cure for ALS.

In no uncertain terms, 2022 must be the year that rocks start getting their hands dirty and putting in their share of the work to improve society. The road to a peaceful, just, and happy world is a long one, and humanity cannot walk it alone. We will need help from rocks, our longtime allies and most trusted companions, to overcome the many hazards that jeopardize our planet and civilization. The time of rocks lying around being useless is over. Rocks must start pulling their weight for once in their lives. And they must start today.