Ladies And Gentlemen, Please Log Off Your Computers, Draw Your Blinds, And Sit On The Floor, For It Is The Time Of Year The Radiator Can Be Smelt!!!
December 7, 2016
Yes, that’s right. Call off work, become alone, block out all sunlight, and inhale very hard, because it is that special time of the year when the radiator lets out its private stink. Wonderful!
Throw your computer and family into the yard to get rid of distractions. The smell is here!
Belt up your pants and comb your hair! Don your biggest tuxedo! You want to be looking your best when the radiator smell comes to fill your nose and face.
Flap your hands excitedly for the beautiful stink!
Mmm-mmmmm. What a lovely aroma your radiator has made! Bring your face close to the metal grates and feel the hot, gassy air hurt your nostrils and scorch your eyes in the way you love so much.
The radiator smell reminds you of so many cherished childhood memories, such as the smell of your grandfather’s windbreaker melting as he stood too close to the grill and caught fire.
Once you get one whiff of the smell, you cannot stop sniffing it!
Draw near to this tiny pipe organ of fire and breathe of it until you are fevered and screwy!
In some cultures, the radiator smell is a sign of good fortune, and when you smell it you are supposed to make a wish upon a valuable coin. How foolish!
Raise the heat so that it’s 120 degrees in your house. That way, the smell will just keep coming and coming and coming. Yes, please!
When the radiator is making its smell, you know that Christmas could happen at any time.
Rattle-rattle, clang-clang! The radiator makes a loud sound to attract toddlers and elderly people who might not know to come close and partake in the marvelous stink!
No! This has no place here. It is radiator season.
How can one not be content when sitting on the floor next to the radiator, inhaling the hot smell and hearing the faint, suction-cup-like noise of one’s bone-dry eyelids attempting to blink? It is the ultimate luxury!
As Christians know, God is as fair as he is strong, and he gives us radiator smell every year as a way to say sorry for making weather cold and killing all the stray dogs. So you see, the smell you are smelling is indeed the smell of heaven.
God is our king.
Ladies and gentlemen, would you like to know a terrific fact? Okay, here it is: The smell of the radiator would be a nice thing to smell when you are dying!
Or you can just smell it now and pretend you are dying.
Wow, wow, wow! When you are smelling the smell, it is truly a banquet for your face. How about it? Everybody, give it up for the radiator and its fabulous smell!