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Let A Horrifying Spider Climb Down Your Throat, And 4 Other Plans For A Perfect Day In Sydney

Sydney, Australia is rich in both natural and man-made attractions, and 24 hours simply isn’t enough time to do and see everything this incredible city has to offer! If you’ve only got one day to spend in Sydney, here are the five things you absolutely have to do to get the most out of your visit.

1. Go to jail for impersonating an Australian: Americans love practicing their Australian accents, but in Sydney, it’s illegal to impersonate an Australian if you aren’t one. So if you walk up to a cop and say, “Throw another shrimp on the barbie,” just be aware that you’ll probably end up spending life in prison without the possibility of parole.

2. Let a horrifying spider climb down your throat: Australia is known for having some pretty diverse and dangerous wildlife, and if you’ve only got one day to spend in Sydney, then we recommend heading out into the wilderness, finding a spider, and letting it crawl down your throat and into your lungs. There’s no better way to get the authentic Sydney experience!

3. Visit the Sydney Aquarium and give the stingray that killed the Crocodile Hunter a spanking: Every day, thousands of tourists and native Australians alike visit the Sydney Aquarium to teach the stingray that killed “Crocodile Hunter” Steve Irwin a lesson by spanking it firmly on its behind. You can’t visit Sydney without giving that asshole of a stingray a whupping on its rubbery, slimy ass.

4. Buy a koala—they’re only $4, and they’re light: Koalas are not only cheap, but they barely weigh anything at all. An animal at the perfect intersection of price and weight, there’s really no excuse not to pick one up on your trip to Sydney.

5. Visit St. Mary’s Cathedral, the closest thing Sydney has to a Home Depot: If you’re jonesing for a Home Depot experience in the land down under, your best bet is a visit to St. Mary’s Cathedral. While the building is a twin-spired Catholic church and not a home-improvement big-box store, it’s as close as you’re going to get.