Wow, Mom must think we’re really fucking stupid. Get ready to absolutely blow your top when you get a load of the stunt that lying sack of shit just pulled: Mom is claiming that having the family around for Mother’s Day is enough of a gift and she doesn’t want anything else.
Nice try, Mom, but we’re onto your bullshit.
Seriously, Mom really expected us to believe this boldfaced lie that she’d be fine with just a “dinner at home with all the kids” and that “it’d be nice to get a card but I don’t need a big production”? Yeah fucking right. We love that conniving bitch more than anything, and we’re giving her a Mother’s Day to remember, no matter what tall tale she’s trying to trick us with.
This two-faced snake who gave us the gift of life is going to a fancy restaurant, despite her best efforts to deceive us. She’s going to eat a buttered lobster if we have to shove it down her lying throat ourselves. That backstabber thought she could pull the wool over our eyes this Mother’s Day, but we’re not falling it. Not for a goddamn second.
You’ve almost got to admire the brass balls on this two-timing charlatan for claiming that a bouquet of carnations would be more than enough. Not a chance in hell, you lying sack of shit—we appreciate all that you do way too much. Dad is at the jewelry store right now buying you a diamond bracelet you’re going to wear on your wrist so everyone can see how much the whole family adores and respects you, as long as you don’t choke on the diarrhea of lies that comes spewing out of your mouth at all hours of the day first.
So we’re going all-out for that lying shit stain who gave up her career to raise children and never complained about it. And Mom better dare not say, “Oh, you didn’t have to do all this,” because she sure as hell knows that we did have to do all this. Mom is an inspiration to us each and every day, which that asshole was well aware of when she lied to our faces, and this is just a small gesture of our affection. We love you so much, Mom, fuck you.