Students at Greenville High School in Jackson, Mississippi just had an absolutely unforgettable educational experience thanks to two intrepid instructors who brought their wisdom together to collaborate on one of the most essential lectures their students will ever receive: The driver’s ed instructor has teamed up with the sex ed instructor to teach a powerful lesson on the dangers of road head.
Wow. This is going to be a truly in-depth class on a very important topic.
Juniors at Greenville High just got the chance to skip their fifth period classes and head to the auditorium where Ms. Haines, the sex ed teacher, and Mr. Evans, the driver’s ed teacher, were waiting for them in front of a powerpoint presentation entitled, “STIs, Traffic Accidents, And More: Is It Really Safe To Give Or Get A Blowjob In The Front Seat Of A Moving Vehicle?” In an unprecedented meeting of two prominent Greenville High minds, the two teachers then launched into the first portion of their lesson, which detailed how oral sex makes driving more dangerous, and driving in turn makes oral sex more dangerous: Ms. Haines explained that the stress of traffic and navigation can cause partners to forget to disclose a herpes outbreak or other communicable infection, and Mr. Haines added that while regular sloppy toppy is unlikely to cause a car crash, road head constitutes a hazardous form of distracted driving. The teachers then encouraged students to take a safer route when tempted to engage in road head by remembering an acronym called The Three P’s: Pull Over, Park The Car, and Proceed With The Blowjob.
While the lesson was intended to discourage students from unsafe behavior, both teachers acknowledged that abstinence was not the only option—many students would likely give or get road head during their lives, and should do what they can to avoid a fender bender, a genital injury, a disappointing sexual experience, or even a head-on collision. Mr. Evans suggested that students giving road head not offer their “A-game suck job” so as to avoid taking the driver’s focus from the road completely, and Ms. Evans added that the driver should avoid making sudden stops at traffic lights and stop signs in order to prevent trauma to the penis.
To drive home their vital interdisciplinary point, the instructors ended their lecture on a somber note with the story of two teens who perished in 1995, when Shelley Morton gave her boyfriend, Trent Rogers, road head so mind-blowing that he lost control of his vehicle and drove it off the Old Mississippi River Bridge. Students were then led outside to a harrowing recreation of the couple’s car—an irreparably smashed-up Toyota Camry with two skeletons inside, the driver behind the wheel and the passenger bent over into his lap. “By the time paramedics arrived, all that was left of Shelley and Trent was one skeleton sucking another skeleton off,” Ms. Haines told her horrified students. “So just remember, no matter what street you’re driving on, road head puts you on the highway to the danger zone.” She and Mr. Evans then high-fived one another before dismissing the students for the day.
Wow. This just goes to show you the incredible learning that can take place when two teachers from different departments come together and use their expertise to supplement one another’s curriculum. There’s no doubt that the juniors at Greenville will remember this lesson on the dangers of road head, and it may just save a few lives. What an incredible educational event!