Well if you ask me, men used to be men and now they’re not men anymore. It’s ridiculous. If you go way back to the time of men, men were men and acted manly by being men. Now men are NOT men and the men that are men act more like men who are not men than men who are men, including some men who were men back when men were men, but are no longer men in today’s day and age of the present time when men are not men, or less like men, than the men of the time when men were men.
It may sound too scary to be true, but I have proof. Here are five ways men were more like men when they were men.
1. Men Used To Be The Size Of Big Men And Now They Are The Size Of Smaller Men
You go back to the good old days of long ago, and you’ll find yourself in an era when men were man-sized men who were the size of men being men. I remember one of the most manly men I’ve ever heard of, it was a guy named Gigantic. His name was Gigantic because he was huge. Gigantic was a man who used to be so huge that he needed a million sons just to marry a single wife. Gigantic was the biggest man in the world, but back then that made him the smallest man in the world, because men were so big that all the men who were men were bigger men than the biggest man in the world. I can’t believe how big the men were back when men were men.
These days, men are not the size of men when men were men. They are the size of a smaller man who would not deserve to be named Gigantic. The men today have names like Medium T-Shirt and Regular Smile. They are tiny men who don’t even block out the sun. It’s sad to see.
2. Men Used To Use Their Hands To Strangle Lions And Now They Use Their Hands To Wave Hello To Nerds
When was the last time a thousand lions ate everyone you ever knew? If your answer was, “Not recently,” then that is because back in the days when men were men, men would use their manliness to act like men and strangle lions with their hands. Back then, every time you looked at a man, you’d see a man killing a lion in the manner of men who were men. It was an amazing time to be a man and it was an amazing time for men who wanted to see men be men. It was a terrible time to be a lion and it was an amazing time to be a snake.
These days, men are not men, especially the men. The men today don’t use their hands to kill lions. All the lions are dead and none of the men today strangle lions because all the lions were killed by men back when men were men. That’s why there are so many lions running around these days. Now men are not like men. They don’t use their hands to kill lions. They use their hands to wave hello to nerds like Devin. Devin is a poindexter and an egghead and he uses his computer to watch videos. The men who were men back when men were men would never wave hello to Devin, and yet these days every man waves hello to Devin (and other nerds). It is a travesty.
3. Men Used To Yell Scary Words And Now They Yell Boring Words
In the amazing past, when men were men, men would be men by yelling manly words that were scary and only fit for men to hear. I used to remember a man named Wind and he would meet up with a bunch of men who were men and yell man words like “Muscles” and “Mystery” and “Uh-Oh.” They would stand in the deserts and the prairies, screaming these scary words into the sky and nobody got afraid because they were men being men.
Nowthesedays, men don’t yell the same scary man words men screamed at men when men were men in the days of men (back when men were men). Men these days hide under their own beds and scream words like “Berries” and “Thank You”. These words are so boring. They are not the words men should be screaming. Men who were men in the days of men would never let this sort of disgraceful behavior fly.
4. Men Used To Have Beards And Now They Have Glasses
If you went back in time just three or four eons ago, you’d be in a golden age for men, when men who were men had beards. I used to know a story about a man named Ultimate Suzuki who had a beard that was so long that his family had to hide from him in a hole they dug in a different country. And Ultimate Suzuki wasn’t the only man who was a man back when men were men with a beard of a man for men. It was all the men who were men who were that way with their beards, which they had for men. Even the men.
These days men do not have beards. They have glasses. They use their glasses to read unmanly words like “Bath” and “Friendly” and “Nearby.” One thing men don’t use their glasses to look at is beards, because there are no more beards anywhere. They disappeared back when men who were men stopped being men.
5. Men Used To Hammer Nails Into Raw Steaks All Day And Now They Hang Out With Devin All Day
One of the most manly things men who were men did as men back when men were men was hang out with other men in the manner of men and hammer nails into raw steaks. I once heard about a dream I had about a man named Religion who was a man among men in an age of men when men were men, and all he would do all day is get a raw steak and hammer nails into it until the sun went down. And Religion wasn’t the only man who was a man hammering nails into raw steak. The meadows and the deserts were filled with rows and rows of men all with their own personal raw steak swinging their hammers up and down in unison, driving SHARP POWERFUL NAILS right into the steak (meat).
These days, men are not as much of men as the men who were men back when men were men. Men don’t hammer nails into raw steaks anymore. Instead, men hang out with Devin. Devin is a nerd and he should not have been allowed out of his cocoon. He makes men do nerd things like look up salad recipes on the internet. It’s a devastating demonstration of the ways that men who are men in the age of now are not like men in the same way that men were men in the days of men being men (when men were men). Basically, once Devin dies men will be men again and we can go back to the days when men were men. That will be a wonderful day for men who want to be men. Men. Thank you.
