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Modern Day Caesar: This Man Just Ordered A Single Coffee DoorDashed To Him, Which Is Like, $13 After Taxes, Fees, And Tip

Some people will spare no expense to enjoy the finer things in life. For an example, look no further than this resident of Cobble Hill in Brooklyn, who just ordered a single coffee delivered to him through DoorDash, which is like, $13 after taxes, fees, and tip. 

Such grandeur! It simply doesn’t get more opulent than paying a small fortune to have a coffee charioted to you from five blocks away by an undocumented DoorDash worker on a moped!

Not since Caesar has someone pampered themselves with such indulgent luxury as 33-year-old UX designer Ryan Bellmore, who just ordered a black, medium-sized coffee delivered to him at three times the price he would’ve paid had he just walked to a coffee shop himself. Today, this bon vivant has thrown all modesty to the wind to bask in opulence, shelling out outrageous premiums so that he wouldn’t have to brew the coffee grinds he has in his kitchen, or even so much as cross the threshold of his apartment—oh yes, Ryan has indeed instructed the delivery driver to brave his building’s five floor walk up and hand his Americano to him at his very own door, as every sensualist needs a cup-bearing servant!

Countless resources have been put to work in the service of Ryan’s lavish expenditure: from the plastic bag, paper bag, and saran wrap enveloping his coffee to the gas used by the delivery driver’s scooter—all for Ryan’s all-important convenience! To someone who lives as well as Ryan, it barely even registers that he’s spent any money at all: a wave of his finger and a few taps on his phone were all that was required to mobilize a series of laborers to prepare and deliver him a special treat, which he will drink 70% of before setting it on one of his many side tables and forgetting about it.

In combination with the $3,750 he pays in rent for a studio apartment, as well as the $35 he’ll spend on DoorDash again for dinner later tonight, this $13 coffee makes it clear that sumptuous living is the only life for Ryan. If he’s willing to pay this much to have a single beverage hand-delivered to him, his excess appears to be without limit. Paying to add $4 worth of avocado to a $14 breakfast sandwich, taking an Uber to a dine-in movie theater that’s right off the subway, where he’ll drop $18 plus tip on one cocktail…there is no end to the luxuries Ryan’s appetite may soon desire!

Drink long and drink deep of your coffee, Ryan, for it has come at a price fit for a king! Here’s to living high and magnificently!