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No One Wants To Work Anymore: This Couple Spent Three Days In Bed Making Love And Baring Their Souls All While Their Local Hardee’s Is Suffering From Staffing Shortages

For generations, the American work ethic has powered our nation’s industries and elevated us to the pinnacle of the global economy. But these days, not only have people been taking much less pride in their work, but it seems as if many Americans have just lost interest in working altogether, such as these slackers from Richmond, VA: This couple just spent three days in bed making love and baring their souls all while their local Hardee’s is suffering from staffing shortages. 

So selfish! What a sorry sign of the times. 

For three entire business days this week, J.C. Hays and Marissa Uvino were holed up in their bedroom, fusing their hearts and bodies in a marathon of passionate physical intimacy, making one another feel alive and complete in a way that did absolutely nothing to meet the desperate labor needs of their local Hardee’s. Though the restaurant has been extremely understaffed for months, to the point where there’s a sign taped to the drive-thru window reading “Please be patient, as we are short staffed due to government handouts,” J.C. and Marissa are clearly more concerned with melting into each other until they can no longer tell where one soul begins and the other ends than using all that free time of theirs to help a struggling business for $11 an hour. That’s right, you can’t even pay them to be useful. 

It genuinely seems as though this couple has made a full-time “job” of lazing together in the late afternoon sunlight, placing their hands on each other’s chests to feel their hearts beating in sync, and devoting all their energy to bringing one another pleasure—energy that could be going towards supporting the poor 17-year-old Hardee’s cashier who for months has been pulling double duty and manning the fryer between customers because, well, people like J.C. and Marissa don’t want to work anymore. 

What the hell happened to priorities and responsibility in this country? People like J.C. and Marissa would rather be deadbeats, building a love that makes all fear and worry pale in comparison to how it feels to share a life with someone who understands you better than you understand yourself, than work part-time shifts at Hardee’s and help bolster our nation’s frail labor economy? 

Is a love brighter than the sun itself too good for an honest day’s work at Hardee’s? Sure seems like it. Un-fucking-believable. 

When people value hard work less than another human being who sees them and loves them as they are and makes them feel safe expressing parts of themselves that they’ve never felt safe sharing with anyone else, you know this country is screwed. Talk about entitlement culture. All we can say is that in a few years, when China’s economy overtakes ours, J.C. and Marissa better not act surprised.