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Playing The Long Game: Rolaids Is Saving Up Its Advertising Budget For The Next 400 Years So It Can Buy Up Every Single Piece Of Ad Space Available In 2417

The forward-thinking marketing department at Rolaids is doing something that’s about to blow its competitors out of the water: Rolaids is saving up its advertising budget for the next 400 years so it can buy up every single piece of ad space available in the year 2417.

This is innovation at its finest. By abandoning its short-term marketing goals in favor of a long-term payoff, Rolaids has forged a bold new path in the advertising industry.

After pulling every existing advertisement for its popular antacid tablet earlier today, Rolaids explained its plan to let its advertising budget compound each year for 400 years, and then use that stockpiled money to release millions of Rolaids ads all at once in 2417, purchasing all available ad space in the world in the process. Ultimately, no other company will have anywhere to advertise, and Rolaids will dominate the market by being the only company with commercials and promotional copy on every single available surface.

“We’re really excited to take down all our ads now so that in 400 years, our advertisements will be literally everywhere you look,” said Zan Guerry, the project leader spearheading Rolaids’ new advertising initiative. “If you’re taking a cross-country road trip, every billboard you see is going to have one of our spokespeople eating Rolaids for instant gastric relief. We’re talking absolute radio silence from Rolaids for a few centuries, and then 400 years later you’re all of a sudden going to be seeing a three-hour feature film about Rolaids airing between every single quarter of the Super Bowl. Every magazine page will be an advertisement for Rolaids. Every giant screen illuminating Times Square will be spreading the word about Rolaids. It may seem like we’ve disappeared for now, but in a few short centuries, the world will belong to Rolaids.”

Guerry further explained how in 400 years, Rolaids will also be taking up all the futuristic ad space people can’t even wrap their minds around right now. Whether it’s an enormous holographic Rolaids ad being projected across the surface of the moon, or a hyper-realistic android butler that talks to you nonstop about Rolaids while it cleans your house, Guerry reiterated that no matter what new media became available to advertisers in the year 2417, Rolaids would use its amassed marketing budget to completely monopolize it.

Wow. It’s safe to say that Rolaids is taking a big swing by not airing any advertisements now so they can save up for 2417. The company’s brilliant marketing team has decided to play the long game, and in a few centuries it’ll almost certainly be reaping some major rewards.