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Preventing Disaster: L’Oréal Will Now Require Customers To Undergo A Rigorous Psychological Evaluation Before Going Blond

Over the years, countless men and women have impulsively dyed their hair blond only to be dismayed at the results. Recognizing the need to ensure that people are making the best decision for themselves before going blond, L’Oréal just announced that it will now be requiring customers to undergo a rigorous psychological evaluation before they’re allowed to take the plunge.

It’s about time someone put up some safeguards.

The evaluation, dubbed the PIBP (Psychometric Inventory for Blond Preparedness), will involve a rigorous series of 27 quantitative and qualitative tools designed to measure with clinical accuracy a person’s readiness to totally revamp their look. The PIBP test will weigh myriad behavioral and personality indices to ensure one is not only prepared to take the plunge into blond locks, but also that they’re adequately equipped to maintain upkeep of roots, handle any potential social repercussions, and face the very real possibility that they might just look weird as a blond.

Consumers who take the PIBP test will be assessed on a 14-point scale, with those scoring 10.1 or higher receiving full certification to purchase L’Oréal hair-dye products, and those scoring between 4.1 and 10.0 receiving provisional certification on the condition that they first complete an online hair-dye responsibility course. Meanwhile, those scoring 4.0 or lower will be prohibited from buying L’Oréal hair dye and will be recommended for further testing to determine whether they can be trusted to have hair in general.

“The notion that blonds have more fun is not always true, especially for those who impulsively choose to shake things up with a dramatic dye job without first considering the various potential positive and negative consequences of such a decision,” said a L’Oréal spokesman, noting that flippant “new year, new you”-type justifications frequently lead to buyer’s remorse. “We feel it is our responsibility to thoroughly psychologically analyze our customers to make sure they are of sound mind to use and enjoy our products.”

Wow. Way to do things right, L’Oréal! It’s great to see a company truly going out of its way to guarantee customer satisfaction.