Hello. I’m Dr. Ruth, America’s most ancient romance practitioner. If you’ve already tried all four sex positions and watched all three pornography movies, you might be left searching for another activity for you and your lover. Well, good news: I have one for you. So how about you turn down the lights and charge up your phone, because scrolling through your cousin’s Instagram page is this summer’s hottest date night!
Talk about erotic!
A cousin is an acquaintance by blood, meaning that it’s unlikely that you or your lover know very much about them despite the familial connection. Therefore, spending the evening scrolling through a cousin’s photos will provide a new experience that’s stimulating in more ways than one. With your lover at your side, take in the story of your cousin. Whisper into your lover’s ear the caption your cousin wrote about our capitalist white supremacist society on the day Trump was elected. Feel yourself growing closer with your lover as you piece together the timeline of your cousin’s college breakup. Admire how your cousin looks a little like you, but not really—just in the way that you could probably convince yourself you sort of look like anyone.
So sexy! You will be begging for more photos of your cousin!
Here are some tips for making this spicy activity even spicer:
- Consider starting at the bottom of the page, where all the photos your cousin took in 2013 with the Hefe filter reside, before scrolling all the way back up. Then, when you get to the top of the page, you can eat your partner’s ass.
- Hide the geotag and ask your partner to guess where your cousin was vacationing in 2019. Then, when the game is over, you can eat your partner’s ass.
- Take a break from looking at your cousin’s Instagram to eat your partner’s ass before returning to look at your cousin’s Instagram even more.
But the sexual fun doesn’t have to end there. Head on over to your cousin’s tagged photos and get to know their friends too. Whenever you recognize one of your cousin’s friends in a photo, switch things up by letting your partner eat your ass!
Well, that’s that. Please sound off below if these tips worked for you and your partner!
