Sex advice content performs really well on the internet, and we tried our best here to give you some decent blowjob tips. Ultimately, though, we’re just not experts on this sort of thing, so take everything we say here with a grain of salt.
1. Make your mouth hot
A mouth is already pretty warm, but making it even warmer could maybe make a blowjob feel better? Like, you could just hold a blow dryer up to your mouth for 30 seconds prior to starting, and maybe keep it plugged in so you can reheat your mouth if it cools down as you go. But then again, who knows. We didn’t test any of these. Where would we even meet someone? A barbecue? It’s not even summer.
2. Do push-ups (both people)
You’d probably really get the blood pumping for a rockin’ blowjob if both the blowjobee and the blowjobette do a few sets of push-ups before getting down to business. Is this a stupid idea? Maybe! But again, we wouldn’t know because we’re not Cosmo writers who can just fire off a list of “50 Ways To Please Your Man” at the drop of a hat. All we know are weird state laws and baseball facts, which, while incredibly useful at trivia nights, unfortunately have no impact on our blowjob game.
3. Try it from the other end
In all honesty, we’re not even totally sure what we’re suggesting here. Like, we guess you’d just start licking at the base of the penis instead of the tip? Whether or not this would actually enhance the blowjob is unclear, but it certainly wouldn’t ruin it. Can’t hurt to try.
4. Tantalize
Again, we’re admittedly not 100 percent sure what we’re proposing here, but “tantalize” is one of the sexiest words we can think of, and seems like “tantalizing” is overall a positive adjective for describing a blowjob. But we’re really just throwing shit at the wall to see what sticks at this point. These tips mean nothing.
5. Be on time
If you want to make a blowjob great, don’t show up to the blowjob late! We figure that’s probably a good rhyme to remember. Like with all life situations, it’s just good to be prompt, and that certainly applies to blowjobs too. So just show up on time, and you’ll have yourself a one way ticket to Blowjob City.*
*Ugh, sorry, we know we can’t pull off saying stuff like that. We just didn’t know how to end this list. We seriously could not be more out of our element. Anyway, good luck with your blowjobs.
