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Spokesman Confirms Brad And Angelina Are Hitched, But Will The Spokesman Ever Find Love?

The secret’s out! Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt tied the knot on Saturday in France, a spokesman for the pair has confirmed. After keeping us waiting and waiting for ages, it seems the beautiful Hollywood couple of nine years finally found their perfect moment.

But what about the spokesman? When will his perfect moment be? When will it be his turn at the altar?

Brad and Angelina went with an intimate, non-denominational service at a wine chateau in Provence attended by family and close friends, according to the spokesman, who somehow just hasn’t found the right person yet, and while it’s not too late, there’s no denying the clock is ticking.

The spokesman said that the couple’s six children—Maddox, Pax, Zahara, Shiloh, and twins Knox and Vivienne—participated in the ceremony, doing his best to hide his hurt from never having found his true romantic connection in all these years.

Boy, it sure has to be hard for that spokesman. You spend your whole life making announcements on behalf of celebrities, those beautiful, confident people. He’s probably a fine guy, clearly good at his job, but sometimes he remains overlooked, forever ignored in favor of these gorgeous Mr. & Mrs. Smith co-stars. Just look at them.

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Is there hope for Brangelina’s spokesman? Is his soulmate out in the wide world, waiting, just as lost, as alone? Is this another case of “always the spokesman, never the bride”?

Pitt, for his part, did his best to keep his ring finger concealed in his pocket, doubtless as much for his spokesman’s sake as to avoid press attention. Still, he couldn’t help flashing a little bling in the end!

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Just imagine how the spokesman must feel looking at that. A symbol of abiding commitment between two people. How much longer until this mere spokesman gets to don a ring of his own, with a love of his own, on a special day of his own?

We’re crossing our fingers for it to come soon.