There are eight billion people on Earth, and only four different types of personalities. Which category do you fall under?
Personality #1: Tiny
According to the American Psychological Association, the Tiny personality type manifests via blushing, shyness, an unhealthy fixation on table manners, and a permanent state of being very, very afraid. A Tiny person’s disposition is that of someone who’s been struck by lightning and feels mortified that people will think their having been electrocuted means something unsavory about their character. The behaviorally Tiny tend to have sweet tooths and carry lace hankies wherever they go. Though they do tend to gravitate towards others with Tiny characteristics, they habitually associate with people who are angry with them, as they commonly find purpose in the act of being the subject of someone else’s anger, whether that anger is warranted or not. They will go to any and all lengths to please their tormentors. Professions that suit the Tiny personality type include caring for human vegetables, running errands for grandmothers, and suicide bombing. 96% of people in the world fall under this category.
Personality #2: Loco
The traits of the Loco personality type are equally charismatic, revolting, and brilliant beyond measure. People who embody this temperament are known for eating shit off the ground and begging for more, both literally and metaphorically. A Loco person is clever in ways only they themselves can ever understand, and have likely never once experienced melancholy or doubt—rather, they know joy in its most pure, unmitigated form in their every waking moment. They are pathological liars and scoundrels, but in ways that are more hilarious than malevolent in intention. Oftentimes, a Loco person will be in one place, and then just a moment later, be in a completely different place at a far higher elevation, pointing at you and screaming. Though 19th century psychologists wrongly held that a Loco person can be identified by the ratio of how much saliva they produced vs. how much they seemed to enjoy the amount of saliva they were producing, recent studies have shown that a more accurate Loco signifier is the frequency with which they grin. Loco personalities are successful in their professions and family lives, and can never die.
Personality #3: Funky
Do you know someone in your life who brings the funk wherever they go? Odds are, they’d be categorized as a Funky personality. Common characteristics in this archetype include being compulsively laid-back, bouncing and bumping with grace, and living, loving, breathing the boogie from birth. They are known for refusing to knock ‘til they try it, and for being able to keep a secret. Famous Funky personality types include Santa Claus, Honey Boo Boo, Vincent Price, and Gandhi.
Personality #4: Stinking
Stinking personalities exude evil in both smell and behavior. A Stinking personality can be developed over time, but only if you are born possessing one. For example, if you are raised in an environment such as a dogfighting ring, Hell, or a big patch of garbage floating in the middle of the ocean, you can easily develop the Stinking personality’s trademark characteristics: violent, hairy, and leadership. It will come as no surprise that a Stinking person is often someone whose parents and grandparents have all been as rotten as they come. People with the Stinking personality type tend to find relaxation in pastimes such as betrayal, nastiness, and greed, and they are well suited to careers such as being bad and acting rude. Does this sound like you? Let us know which personality type you think you are in the comments.
