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Urinating Can Feel Just As Relaxing As Getting A Massage Or Soaking In The Tub (By President Joe Biden)

Folks, let me fill you in on a little urination-related secret. If your life is as stressful as mine, you’re probably always looking for ways to decompress. Take a load off. Unwind. Sure, you could go pay big money for a massage or light a few candles and hop in the tub for a soak, but not everyone has the time or money to do so. But what if I told you there’s something that every man, woman, and child on the planet can do anywhere, at any time, that is incredibly relaxing and absolutely free to do? Well, guess what: That thing is urinating, and when it comes time to unwind, I’ll take it over a day at the spa any day of the week. 

Look, it’s so easy to do and comes so naturally that a lot of folks have never stopped to consider just how refreshing the experience of urination can be. The second urine starts flowing from one’s urethra, their body is whisked away to a blissful utopia of relief. The release causes a pleasing tingling sensation not unlike a mild orgasm, melting one’s worries away. No matter where you are right now, be it at home, at work, or out and about, my guess is that there’s a bathroom within 100 feet of you. You could easily go in there right now, even if you don’t even really feel like you have to go that bad, and within 10, 15 seconds you could start urinating. Heck, I’m doing it right now. My word as a Biden is that the second the urine starts to flow out of your urethra, you’ll feel calmer, more centered, more focused, and completely refreshed. Even if it’s just a small amount of urine. 

Here’s the deal: Urinating gives you the kind of full-body euphoria that many people take illicit drugs to achieve, only unlike drugs, it’s completely natural and safe. Perhaps one day doctors will even prescribe urination as an alternative to drugs, or maybe people will start turning to urinating to take the edge off after a long day instead of, say, drinking a glass of wine. My father had an expression he used to say to us kids growing up, which was, “Urine inside the body is worth half as much as urine in a bucket”—it was basically his way of saying, “What are you waiting for?!? Go urinate!” And while Pops has long since passed, his words still ring truer than ever.

Ahhhhhh! There really is nothing more heavenly than urinating!

Now more than ever, Americans are looking for cheap, easy ways to unwind and practice self-care, and for my money, urination just can’t be beat. Sometimes I do it sitting down in a reclined position and let out a big sigh as the urine trickles out. I might even continue sitting on the toilet for a while after I’m done in anticipation of a round two—I simply cannot wait to urinate again! So c’mon, folks, stop taking this wonderful gift for granted and treat yourself to a relaxing time. Get out there and urinate. You won’t regret it.