We asked 22 commercial crab fishermen from dozens of harbors all over the world one simple question: Who is the most famous person you ever trawled out of the ocean in your crab trap?Their answers were amazing.
1. Peter Hammett – “I’m sorry, maybe I misunderstood what you were asking, but I’ve only ever caught crabs.”
2. Sidney Buford – “No celebrities, just crabs.”
3. Michael Christianson – “Famous people? Like, celebrities? Never.”
4. Jonas Moore – “I’ve never pulled a famous person out of the ocean.”
5. Daniel Aguinaldo – “I’ve only ever caught crabs.”
6. Lawrence Morrison – “Just crabs.”
7. Theodore Michaels – “I’m really sorry, but I’ve never caught a celebrity in my crab traps.”
8. Mitchell Hoffman – “I’m not sure I know what you’re asking.”
9. Bryan Puckett – “I haven’t been in this business very long, but so far I’ve never found any celebrities in the ocean.”
10. Stephen Lurie – “I’ve only ever seen crabs in my traps.”
11. Charles McCarthy – “The traps are specifically designed to catch crabs. It would be very unlikely that they would be able to catch any human, let alone a famous one.”
12. Paul Williams – “What?”
13. Robert Mayfield – “Just crabs.”
14. William Bradshaw – “So, one day, I’m out in the middle of the Bering Sea, and I haul my crab trap out of the water, and wouldn’t you know it, there in the cage is celebrated author Philip Roth. ‘I wrote the books!’ he screams at me through the bars of the cage. ‘I wrote the long books and the short books!’ And I scream right back at him, ‘Shut up! Just shut up for once in your goddamn life, Philip Roth!’ And so there’s Philip Roth, dripping wet in my crab trap in the middle of the ocean, shrieking the titles of all his books in reverse chronological order, and there’s me with tears of rage streaming down my face while I scream at him to just be quiet. It was complete mayhem. Eventually I just threw him back into the ocean, where I hope he drowned.”
15. Ryan Monroe – “Only crabs, sorry.”
16. Brett Lawler – “I’ve never caught any famous people. When I go out on the water, I’m mainly looking for crabs.”
17. Alexander Samuelson – “Just crabs.”
18. Evan Mayweather – “The only things I’ve caught in my crab traps are crabs.”
19. Leon Anosov – “I once pulled my crab trap out of the middle of the Atlantic Ocean and found Pulitzer Prize–winning novelist Philip Roth in there. It was such an honor. He begged me not to throw him back, but I threw him back.”
20. Joshua Raab – “Just crabs.”
21. Ezra Harris – “I’ve never caught a human, famous or otherwise, in all my years as a crab fisherman.”
22. Jeffrey Gaines – “I don’t understand the question.”
