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We Hate To Say It: The Vibes At This Book Burning Are Incredible

When we first heard about a gathering in Gladeville, Tennessee where residents were burning books they deemed “liberal propaganda” and/or “of the occult,” we assumed it was a regressive celebration of ignorance. Well, we’re sorry to say it, but that couldn’t be further from the truth: The vibes at this book burning are absolutely incredible. 

We went in expecting to wag a finger at this whole demonstration, and now we’re asking “When’s the next one?!”

Look, we don’t know what to tell you. It turns out that the fact that someone voted to ban Harry Potter, Twilight, and Toni Morrison novels from schools in the name of protecting children from Devil worship and the Woke Agenda doesn’t necessarily mean they aren’t a great hang! Out here in the clearing where the book burning is taking place, everyone is just glad to be together, happily sharing alcohol and food out of the back of their pickup trucks and taking turns dumping memoirs about gender identity into the crackling fire—if you weren’t privy to the reactionary, anti-intellectual context of this town’s bonfire gathering, you’d be totally enchanted by the sense of community. Literally, we told this one guy we didn’t agree with what they were doing, and he said “Well, do you agree with this, Satanist cocksucker?” and handed us a bowl of this crazy delicious venison chili he made himself. Even offered us the damn recipe. The dude was as hospitable as a guy wearing a camouflage Punisher shirt and open-carrying an assault rifle could possibly be. 

Look, we don’t support burning books, it’s just that…everyone here is so, so chill.  Tough to be outraged around this kind of positive energy!

Did we get a little carried away with the feel-good vibes and throw a copy of Chelsea Clinton’s She Persisted into the fire ourselves? Maybe. But we’re just saying, this particular book burning is THE event to be at tonight, and if you’re unwilling to put your virtues aside for one second to come hang, it’s your loss.