The National Potato Council probably has a ton of money. We could really use some of that cash to keep our website afloat. Sadly, the National Potato Council has not reached out to us, so we’ve decided to be proactive by making this list of potatoes and how great they are. Nobody asked us to do this, but we think its obvious quality speaks for itself. We hope this spec list of potatoes will help us land a sponsored post deal from the National Potato Council.
If the National Potato Council is looking for a catchy slogan to get the public fired up about potatoes, we propose “Part fruit. Part vegetable. 100% freedom.” Anyone who hears that about potatoes is going to want to buy as many potatoes as they possibly can. Hopefully the Council agrees and reaches out to make some sort of sponsored deal with us soon.
If the National Potato Council is interested, we have some ideas for messaging that could transform potatoes into the most sought-after luxury item in the world. One idea is to convince the world that potatoes are diamonds. There’s a lot more where that came from if the Council wants to reach out with a monetary offer.
Not to alarm anyone at the National Potato Council, but potatoes have a reputation in some circles for being kind of unhealthy. For the right price, we’d be happy to make a list that showcases all the great health benefits of potatoes. We don’t know if potatoes actually have more calcium than milk, but even if it’s not true, we would be willing to lie for money.
We don’t know if the National Potato Council has a problem with Mr. Potato Head, but we would understand if they did. Mr. Potato is a false potato who has the brain of a man. If you buy a Mr. Potato Head toy, the potato farmers of America don’t get a dime, and that’s not fair. If the National Potato Council ever wants to run an anti-Mr. Potato Head propaganda campaign, this is the kind of top-shelf sloganeering you can expect from a paid partnership with ClickHole.com.
People love to feel like they’re having a positive impact on the world. We can launch a full-scale viral campaign that creates a connection between buying potatoes and supporting well-behaved children. People love well-behaved children. They follow the rules and always do their homework. The general public largely feels that well-behaved children deserve millions of dollars, and if they think buying potatoes will help make that happen, they are sure to purchase potatoes by the truckload. We can make them think that with our unbeatable content.
Again, this list is just a sample of the wide variety of potato-oriented content we are capable of creating. If anyone out there is a representative for the National Potato Council and is willing to offer us cash in exchange for some pro-potato content, please get in touch. We are refreshing our inbox over and over, waiting for your email. Thank you for your time.
