So you’ve got $2,000 to spend on rent per month and you’re trying to figure out where to live? Depending on which city you call home, you can expect that money to net you some wildly different results. In this economy, you’re going to want to get the most bang for your buck, so read up: Here’s $2,000 will get you in seven different cities.
1. New York City
As per its official city motto, New York City prides itself on being “The Home Of The Original 9/11,” and this rich cultural history combined with the fact that Empire State Building was accidentally built there makes the whole city a notoriously expensive place to live. For $2,000 a month in NYC, you can rent a towel that covers most of your body if you drape it over your head. There will be six or seven additional roommates under the towel, and the towel will often burst into flames. The landlord of the towel gets to bite you on the ankle as hard as he can three times a year. He does not have to give you advance warning before he chomps down on your leg.
2. Lincoln, Nebraska
For $2,000 a month in Lincoln, Nebraska, you can live in a castle called The Palace Of Remorse. This 800,000 square foot home has one bathroom and nobody has ever found it. It also has 30 bedrooms, six kitchens, and 26 kitchens with beds in them (a type of room known as a “Sleep’n’Eat”).
3. San Francisco
For $2,000 a month in San Francisco, you can live in Albuquerque, New Mexico.
4. Seattle
Seattle is known as “The Silicon Valley Of Seattle,” and it’s easy to see why. This is where a robot lives, and almost one in every 1000 adults in Seattle have either seen a computer or seen a cloud that looks like a computer. With so much technology happening in this city, the rent prices are pretty steep. Still, for $2,000 a month you can live in a small ditch near an abandoned tire. The rent used to be $1,750 a month, but it increased after someone sprayed the tire with perfume.
5. Chicago
For $2,000 a month in Chicago you can live trapped inside an oil painting hanging in the city’s world-famous Art Institute.
6. Washington, D.C.
For $2,000 in Washington, D.C. you get to live in the White House with our glamorous president Barack Obama and his best friend Donald Trump. Barack Obama’s rock star lifestyle as president means that he is constantly throwing wild parties at all hours of the night, hosting ambassadors and queens and khans from all over the world. His best friend Donald Trump is not allowed to be at the parties so he has to sleep on the lawn. You also have to sleep on the lawn during the parties. It sucks, but that’s the best that $2,000 will get you in Washington. Barack Obama and Donald Trump are also in a band together called Pulse Frontier and they are really bad and loud. They rehearse every day in White House basement and they both play the drums. If you ask them to stop rehearsing they will kick you out of the house.
7. Madison, Wisconsin
For $2,000 in Madison you can live in a tiny room filled with hundreds and hundreds of dolls. When the sun goes down, the dolls all start waving at you and saluting you like a military officer when you walk past them. The sounds of their little plastic eyes clicking as they blink of their own accord will keep you up all night. Every time you try to remove one of the dolls from the premises, your rent increases by $500.
