Brace yourself, because the following story is about a woman so deluded that you might just catch some secondhand delusion yourself: This woman seriously thinks she’ll just suddenly grow up after she gives birth to puppies.
Girl, get real!
Despite partying most nights and spending her paychecks before they even hit her bank account, 38-year-old Melissa Erwin is living under the ridiculous impression that she’s magically going to get her act together and start living like a real adult when she gives birth to the eight puppies currently gestating inside of her. That’s right: Melissa, who changes the sheets on her bed four times a year and barely remembers to shower, somehow thinks she’s going to be able to lick her puppies clean when the reality is she’s probably going to forget to bite off her own umbilical cord.
Total facepalm.
As Melissa approaches 40, she’s likely experiencing a lot of societal pressure to settle down and have her first litter—but typically it’s a good idea to get your life in order before you have a bunch of barking buns in your oven. After all, Melissa can barely manage to feed herself, let alone the beagle she already has, which fathered the litter. It’s a bummer, but the likelihood that the woman who sometimes pisses on her own carpet will suddenly be responsible enough to teach her puppies to avoid the same is pretty damn low.
Look, we’re not saying Melissa’s motherhood journey is going to be a total disaster, but it’s likely that one of those puppies ends up house training her, not the other way around. Anyway, we’re wishing her the best, because she’ll be whelping any day now.
