*Sigh*. Literally the worst.
1. “Can’t you just, like, fix the boat?”
Can’t you just, like, shut the hell up? Seriously, think things through before you say them.
2. “You shouldn’t have wrecked the ship.”
Thank you for this insightful feedback. I will take it into consideration on future voyages.
3. “The ship is sinking.”
Yes. Yes, it is.
4. “My stuff is getting wet.”
Yes. Yes, it is.
5. “This is sort of like that movie Captain Phillips.”
1) No, it’s not. 2) No, it’s not.
6. “But I can’t die. My wife, she’s sick. She needs me. And my beautiful daughter—she can’t grow up without her papa.”
Well, maybe you should’ve become an accountant or something instead of taking up LITERALLY THE MOST DANGEROUS JOB IN THE WORLD.
7. “The old captain never got us into situations like this.”
What a helpful thing for you to point out.
8. “So, are you required to go down with the ship, or is it more of a personal honor type of thing?”
Who carrrrrrrrrrres.
9. “Captain, I see some sharks.”
Stop. Just stop.
10. “It’s been an honor, sir.”
Don’t fucking patronize me.
